Archive for the ‘Sports Done Right’ Category »
Alright you motherfuckers, I know, I know, I haven’t added anything in what seems to be seconds, but for the sake of the “dot-com” we’ll say “days”…easy money my friends. So how is everyone doing this holiday season? Good I hope, or at least that you’re getting laid cause I’m not. Assholes. Well the sports world has gone to hell in a handbasket since the last time I have talked with you. The Cubs, unfortunately, didn’t win (some “goat curse”), the Marlins did win, the Lions will draft in the sixth spot in this years NFL Draft in April (way down from the last two years), and the Red Wings are sucking ass, either that or the NHL season is way too long to the point that I don’t give a fuck. Well, if all is good why fuck it up? I say piss on that. Sorry for my Spartans (wait ’till the March Madness baby), and you Maze and Blue-Buttfuckers will be sorry come Hungover Day…Skippodomus say USC 27, U of M 13…silly Wolverines, you thought you had some fucking shot at winning the National Championship…Jesus Christ, take your head out of Jim Harbaugh’s ass for two seconds and see that your team is as good as the ‘99 Disney on Ice All-Stars. Losers. GO GREEN! GO WHITE! For sports done right, have a helluva night. Beer.
CUBS WIN! BO-SOX WIN! LIONS…well they lose, but who would be suprised? Yes, you in the back with the maze and blue hat…you stupid mother fucker…hahahahahaha…Hey Dunphy thanks for the two-touchdown advantage! Sucker! After the U of M, MSU game I’m gonna be forty dollars richer and James (who loves and has a lot of faith in his team) will owe me a 40 oz…Cheap ass. Have fun in Minnesota this Friday, too bad your QB is a fuckin’ loser. Smoker rules! GO GREEN! GO WHITE!
So I finally want to add something to this great Sports report that I have made so great over all these years…Well hows that for some smoke up my own ass! I love every minute of it. Now we turn our focus on to the NFL and more importantly my fantasy football league (courtesy of yahoo.com). You see I had the first overall draft pick at the start of the season (its the Skipp Beer League, you wouldn’t understand). So I draft a young man that I thought for sure would be my “gold-mine”…It turns out that Mike Vick decides that he wants to sit out the first 4-6 games with a broken foot-bone-thing. Anyone that knows about fantasy football realizes that I got fucked. And the up to the minute stats show that I am 66 points behind asshole brother Josh. I keep tellin’ him “Just wait to my nigga Vick get back!” And its true, I will win the Skipp Beer League, and I will take that $100 + purse and buy a shit-load of Budweiser…mmmmm, BUDWEISER. I have one in my hand right now. Oh, yes, the NFL, that sounds important or something, well…IT IS! God damn it, thats what we sports fans have been waiting for, well, all year. I can’t get enough of America’s past time. I believe that the NFL should go to a 35 game schedule, thats a game a week with 17 bye weeks. Not bad! I’m on hold right now with the Commish, Mr. Paul. When he gets on the horn I’ll pass the idea on and within a few weeks this dream will become reality. TRUST me! I wish I could eat 13 pancakes. Lets roll our fat-asses over to the Major Who Gives a Shit League…I know baseball is sooo reeeeaaal and stuff, but the only thing that interests me is the NL Central race between Da Cubs, Astro’s and Da Cards. I’ve always rooted for Da Cubs and since de have Sosa I like’em more. Just a quick head note (speaking of head, that sounds pretty damn good, can I getta…) I will be in Detroit this weekend reporting live from Ford Field as the 1-1 Lions take on the 2-0 Minnesota Vikings. I hate Randy Moss. What a piece of shit-fuck-bitch…Now that I have forgone my masterbation, lets drink some brews and nail some hoes…Stay outta the garage T-Bone, not them kind!). For sports done right, have a helluva night. From Georgia to Tennessee.
Tour stop number one for Skippy. Yes, thats right you heard it first on angrymosquito.com. I, Skippy, will be having my first ever tour stop August 10th at the Brik-Crete Motel on Division St. It doesn’t cost you a damn cent, just bring your fat ass and two pints of clear booze. The party starts at 6 p.m. and goes until Timmay starts brewin’ coffee.
So why not go two for two tonight. Here is the report, you no like, lick my balls (if you are a female, I would encourage this behavior). Sports action happens right the fuck now. So like I have mentioned in other facets I have quit smoking, or so I think. Speaking of smoking, wait there isn’t any sports to write about because its the middle of July and the sports world is in a two month coma with about a month to go. Although there is preseason football which isn’t too bad for the first two quarters of the first game. You know how that goes. But it will be interesting to see the drunk sharpie fest come to life on TV, when the Lions wear their new digs for the first time in a game. AWESOME! When is Chuck Rogers gonna sign? That motherfucker better not hold out. If he doesn’t sign soon James is going down to where ever it is that Charles lives and fuck him up. Hey I warned ya. On to the ice covered hockey thingy. Captain Steve Yzerman signed yesterday, good for him, I guess dead people can skate, he’s just copying Gordy. Oh, and get rid of CuJo, and Federov, alright, then make it two for two. Jesus. Well Lions training camp opens up tomorrow, with the rookies reporting at 8 a.m. and the vets coming in on Friday. Well I am happy to update, aren’t you? Fuck off. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace.
So here I am to save the day, or better yet the entire fuckin’ week. And what a week it has been. Shitty, hot, sweaty, and full of shit. Right on! I love the summer don’t get me wrong, but there is something unsettling about moving a three-hundred pound entertainment center while your nuts are stuck to your inner-thigh. Yes, I know, that’s fucking gross…I wonder if a vagina can stick to an inner-thigh? Hopefully its my inner-thigh. More beer please. So whats new in the sports world? Well, lets, um…see here. The soon to be Dead Wings are lookin’ for some new/old life. Or lets just say that Dominik Hasek is thinking about a return to the NHL, with the Wings. But there is one problem. If Hasek does come back then he’ll have to compete for the starting job with “CoJo” Curtis Joseph. So you’re thinkin’ why don’t they trade CoJo? They can’t. Joseph has a ‘no trade’ clause in his contract. Which translates into the Red Wings are fuckin’ stuck with him. Bend over and begin…now, AHHH! Mucho Bein. But thats all hypothetical. Lets crack a forty and fall down some Pepsi-bleachers. No Tigers jersey(s) please. Speaking of baseball, the Tig’s are gonna get the all-time losing record. They must win two games a week for the remainder of the season to avoid the ‘62 N.Y. Mets record of least amount of wins in a season, which is 42. Ain’t gonna fuckin’ happen folks, the Tigers cannot win two games a week here on out. They have a better chance of becoming the NFL’s new expansion team over in L.A. That means Mr. Selig needs to put down the Brewers program, get off of his fat ass and grab the record book ’cause there’s some re-writing to. Ok, Lions time, what did they do this time? Nothing, training camp doesn’t start for three weeks then they can start fucking something up again…but I dunno, they do have Mooch. Did I mention he’s da man, eh? Sweet I hope you all appreciate this column as much as T-Bone once did. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace.
Well not much to say about the sports tonight. Go ahead and read High Heat Life tonight, that one is updated. So humor me and give it a look. I’ll be back with some sports shit soon. Peace
Time to celebrate. Yeah thats right I said celebrate. Reasons to be this happy, well, it is summer after all. Well in two days to be exact. Summer brings us many things, the most important being beer. I know we can have beer whenever we want, unless you are not of age and can’t get in as “Chad” or “Wes”…but beer just tastes better when you are sitting on the boat watchin’ the honeys cruise on by in short-shorts knowing that guys like us will never get bitches like that, but god damn it, we have beer and we can dream. So lets drink beer…all summer long. Cheers to Dunphy. Thanks for upholding our freedom bro. SPORTS REPORT: Lets see here, I know I have something to say about it. Christ I haven’t been around these parts in a month and a half (two words: re-hab) opps…thank god for mouth wash. Lets get you stupid fucks up to date…The Tigers still suck and are on their way to a new record, record low that is. If they can’t get to 42 wins by the time the shitty baseball season ends (last week of September) they will own the worst record of all time. And Jesus, you know, they will get that record. Even if they some how FSU (fuck shit up) and win, um, lets say 43, I will never forget and will always believe that the Whitecaps would beat their ass. Just switch uniforms already. Speaking of our “minor league” teams lets talk about the Rampage. After dropping their last five to close out the season the Rampage are one step closer to becoming a member of the af2, the minor league to the AFL. For you stupid people that means the Rampage are that much closer to leaving town in Mayflower trucks, at three in the morning. Trip over the sofa, open the fridge, puke, and hand me a brewski ’cause weez gonna ova to foosball. Now that the Lions drunk-sharpie-fest is complete they can consentrate on signing at least two of their draft picks with the $1.95 they have left after the “Welcome back home Mooch” party. Spartans coach Tom Izzo said, “Lorbek can shove that buck ninety-five up his polish ass.” During the last minutes of the “Mooch” party Izzo and Mariucci, in a drunken rage, thought it would be a “kick-ass” idea if the Spartans could play the Kentucky Wildcats at Ford Field. The game is to be played on December 13th. Fuckin’ Yoopers! Oh yeah, I forgot about golf, that shit is fun, even if you suck, like me. For sports done right, have a helluva night.
I just wrote a huge article and it got lost I am pissed. So I’ll sum it up. Pistons kick ass against 76ers, Tigers got 4 straight (what the fuck?!) Lions have sharpie drunk fest with their jerseys, and WZZM lit their weather ball tonight. Yippie! So much for that. God damnit. Shit, fuck, cock, piss.