Archive for the ‘Sports Done Right’ Category »
Sports, hmmmm. Is that why I am here. But I do not care for these such evenst that cause me to sleep all day on Sunday afternoon. Yes I do you fucksticks. Sorry if I seem extra pissed today it’s because I am. And if you’re like me you’ll have to suck it up and enjoy the few minutes you are at the sports desk. Little Bitch. Jumping into the hot water I want to wish the Detroit Lions a Merry Chirstmas and a Happy Get Fucked! God Damnit! Are you kidding me. Some “inside” information for all you on the pot and not shitting. 1. The Lions are a terrible organization that must have the old white dudes no longer have dictatorship before they can be considered a “decent” team. 2. Joey Harrington is, and, always will be, a huge pussy. In order for him to relinquish this title is for him to do what La Bamba did or get infected with the flu every Saturday night before the game. I know a few Division bums that could be great candidates for the guy who sneaks into Joe’s room and sticks him with the virus. Have another IV Joseph. Drunk. Over to the No Hockey League. Yup. Where the sidewalk ends and the road begins, you said goodbye on a cold dark night. Now I am forced to go to free Griffins games and suffer. Thanks Yzerman. Shit I have almost left out teh most important shit. No I haven’t. Losers. Have a happy “I have no money to buy anybody anything so maybe next year when I don’t live in this state anymore I’ll buy you something you’ll hate and return to Target and sit in line on December 26th for 14 hours just to get your petty $32.49″ Christmas! For sports done right. Homeskilletslicepants.
Howdy-Ho to all of my loyal fans! Thanks to all of you I can eat Ramen Noodles and buy porn on DVD rather than VHS. Wow, what a month for sports. I mean you have the 4-2 Lions, with a much improved high school quarterback in Joey Harrington at the helm the Lions are no longer the four or five win a season team, they are a six or seven win a season team. Hell, if thats not an improvement than I don’t know what is. MSU vs. U of M this weekend! Who is going to win? Who cares? Well I do you assholes! I think it’s going to be a close game. Both Michigan and MSU’s offenses have struggled this season but, as of late, they are fire. Drew Stanton is hot, and Chad Henne is going to be better than Navarre ever was. Its going to come down to defense. Michigan’s defense is one of the best in the nation, and Michigan State’s improves as the season progresses. State has their offense rolling and above all the Spartans have nothing to lose, and U of M does. STRESS’ PREDICTION: The winner of this game will win the Big Ten…This month we have also witnessed history with the Bo-Sox knocking of the regular season-best-record-holder St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. Boston brought out the brooms Wednesday night, sweeping the heavily favored Cards in four games. This is the first championship for Bean-Town since 1918. Who the fuck is alive now when that shit went down? Bob Hope? Nope that bastard died a few years back. My great-grandma was 12, but she’s dead too. Shit! Fuck gas prices in 1918 was only 6 cents a gallon. Now its up to $2.12 a gallon! Eat shit OPEC. I’m going to start making gasoline by distilling a mixture of urine, orange juice, and Pabst. Well I see that hockey is still taking a leave of absence…what was I just talking about? So the Pistons start next week. Good, like I need another reason not to get laid or get my homework done. Sunday’s are still the best sports days I have. I sit on the couch and do not leave unless I have to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom, once and awhile I play some backyard football and reminded why I retired two years ago. Well I am out of beer. 7-11 is closer than you think. For sports done right have a helluva night. Peace.
Welcome back, welcome back , welcome back…Here is the one and only Sports Center stickin’ in your ear…right now! Like I haven’t done enough typing tonight so here I am and there you are, doing nothing, like always. Now that James is home have him get you a beer, better yet, get him a BEER! Well my Lions are a surprising 2-1, surprising not that they’re good, but suprising that they have won two games with the same type of play that won them 4 total last year. This year I’m shooting for FIVE and that Joey Harrington be replaced mid-season with Sen. John Edwards! And what can I say about the Big Ten. It’s not going to be the Maize n’ Shit this year, sorry, and the only way the Spartans would have a chance is if, well, lets face it they suck and should move to D.C. with the Montreal Expo’s. Maybe the Boilermaker’s will win the Big Ten, then again Northwestern did beat the Fuckeyes. Over to the NHL, wait I can’t get in, looks like the door is locked, with, chains, and stuff, ASSHOLES! The greedy-bitchass players said “fuck you” to a salary cap so instead we are forced to pretend to like the Griffins again. The Bad Boys II are set to tip-off the season November 2nd. With all five starters coming back the chances of the Pistons repeating as World Champions is as good as the Lions not winning the Super Bowl this coming January. Big Ben, Sheed, Rip, Chauncey, and Tayshaun are back and its going to be an exciting NBA season. Did I just say that? What’s this world coming to? No more news the well is dry so the City of Wyoming has stepped in and offered to fill it with their 36 hour “special edition” water. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace.
Ok time to dust off your eyes, stop pumping the Jergens and get out the suds. Sports Center is back, I am here and obviously so are you. Bastards. I might not know any better but I would say that the Lions defense has looked like shit as of late. I know, I know it is preseason and half of the team is hurt, on drugs, drunk or a combination of all three, which, not from experience, makes for a hell of a Sunday afternoon…on the couch, watching NASCAR. Speaking of the left-turnin’ sonsabitches the race at Michigan International Speedway this past weekend was not the shit amd it never will be remembered as so. Over to the diamond I see in my crystal ball a bright future for the Tigers. No I am not still hung over from the double-kegger at Shada/Tree/Candian/otherguyidontknow’s apartment on Saturday (good times boys and thanks for being great hosts’). I heart Ashlee Simpson, only for one reason. I wish I had some Viagra. The only fall back of this weekend, besides the Lions 17-10 loss to the Browns, was another great loss, that being my Capital One credit card. It might still be on the counter at Bell’s, or in Jake’s back pocket, either or it’s no longer with me. RIP. At least the Lions have learned that you don’t get a Super Bowl Ring for going 4-0 in the preseason…fucking Fontes. Time is near for our first annual World Series of Poker. If you are interested in attending we are looking to hold it sometime in the next month or two. Updates to follow. Soccer is back in the news. The San Fransisco Pink convention must be back in town too. Oh shit, how could I forget about the Olympics? To tell you the truth I never liked NBC anyhow. Plus who really cares about the Dream Team II (ok, besides World Champion Coach of the Detroit Pistons Larry Brown!!!)? I don’t, you shouldn’t either. Bitch. So I must go. For sports done right have a helluva night. Peace. GO GREEN!
So as you may or may not know (if you don’t you are a dumb motherfucker) the Detroit Pistons beat the Lakers 4 games to 1 tonight. The Pistons are the World Championships of Basketball! I told ya’ll. For all of you Laker fans I have one thing to say. FUCK YOU! HA HA HA … Defense always wins you assholes. Now its my great pleasure to speak with my best friend James (AZ in da’ house) and get his insight and comments…’cause Lord knows they’re almost damn near the same, sheeeeeettt..
Stress: DETROIT BASKETBALL!!!!!!
UnGifted1: HELL YEAH!!!
Stress: What up AZ?
UnGifted1: just enjoyin the win
Stress: How ’bout them pistons!!!
UnGifted1: dude, bad ass
Stress: now all we need is that 8-8 lions season and that’ll be it, right?
UnGifted1: hell no, 13-3
Stress: Motor City is not dead. I see C-Rog makin’ the Pro Bowl…’cause this ain’t no “ugly” basketball
UnGifted1: hell no it aint ugly…. ITS DETROIT BASKETBALL!
Stress: “playin’ the right way” thats what L-Brown says. And from me to you I say hell YES!!!
UnGifted1: what’d that one sign say? “Our full house beats your one pair”
Stress: It said “our full house beats your TWO pair…Fuck The LAKERS!!! Go home Hollywood Losers! Now it is time to get ready for DETROIT FOOTBALL…It might be too early, but we know that the PISTONS deserved this one…BAD BOYS II
UnGifted1: dont forget the Tigers can still make a run
UnGifted1: they arent out of it yet
Stress: I have Tigs Tickets against the Yankees on July 17. GO US!
UnGifted1: I got D-backs tix against LA on July 18th
UnGifted1: just not the same tho
Stress: It will be full of beer though…IZZO might go to the Raptors…What the FUCK!?
UnGifted1: Izzo said Hell no
Stress: IZZO=MSU Baby…sorry ’bout your maze and blow
Stress: I mean blue
Stress: no i don’t
UnGifted1: they got one more basketball title than State did last year, I ain’t bitchin
Stress: i hear ya, they have played with a lot of heat
Stress: and heart
UnGifted1: i was just happy they made the NIT….
Stress: “not invited tournament”
UnGifted1: last word is the key, tournament
Stress: i didn’t spell that right
Stress: fuck it, i turely believe that the BIG TEN for the next Five years will go thourgh either East Lansing or Ann Arbor
UnGifted1: gotta go get me some Pistons gear this week
UnGifted1: been cruisin around town with just my Red Wings hat
Stress: i know that shit homes
UnGifted1: I agree…. Michigan and State are gonna be battling again like it used to be
Stress: its going to be fun again..b-ball and football
UnGifted1: damn straight
UnGifted1: know what the shitty part of that is going to be?
Stress: the problem is that now i have to talk shit 2000 miles away
Stress: GO GREEN!
UnGifted1: nope, problem is I have to find a bar that opens at 9 am during football season on a saturday morning
Stress: but we do have the PISTONS AND LIONS AND WINGS IN COMMON… thats what makes this workable beeeeeeeachhhh!!!!
Stress: 9 a.m. is your problem bother
UnGifted1: damn straight
Stress: i love the dedication though
UnGifted1: are there any sports bars that you know of that open at 9? I’m gonna be spending a fortune in cable bills this fall…
UnGifted1: I just hope I’ll be down in Phoenix by Thanksgiving so I can accomodate you guys
Stress: i will check the internet. until then ooops and you know where the love lies.
UnGifted1: damn straight
Stress: this has been a presentation of angrymosquito.com sports center
UnGifted1: kick ass
Stress: i would like to thank james for joining me
UnGifted1: *bow*
Stress: from the AZ of course
UnGifted1: the Sun Burn State
Stress: *Double Bow*
Stress: I’ll be back when the sun goes down…
UnGifted1: sounds good
Stress: thanks JP
UnGifted1: WORD!! GO PISTONS!
Stress: GO PISTONS!!!! i love you and miss you brother..
UnGifted1: feeling is mutual
Stress: see you on the flip side
UnGifted1: ai’ght
So there you have it… James and I have declared that the Pistons kick ass! for sports done right (and tight) have a helluva night. AND PLEASE don’t burn the fucking town down. peace TO YA’LL, YOU KNOW!
I know I haven’t updated in some time, but trust me I have been really busy, I mean shit, money don’t grow on my fuckin’ trees, well it might, I’ll go look real quick…
Stress: GO PISTONS!!!
drunk yet…??
UnGifted1: fuck man… that was bad ass
Stress: sorry i got caught up in the game to log on
UnGifted1: thats alright
Stress: PRINCE IS THE NEXT BEST THING TO BUDWEISER!
UnGifted1: Iwas lovin it… except for the bad calls
UnGifted1: HELL YEAH!
UnGifted1: I HATE Reggie Miller
Stress: the calls were shit, the refs were the worse i have ever seen in any pro game
UnGifted1: little whiner… see him beg for the goaltending instead of going after the board? plus, werent they calling him Mr. Clutch in Game 1?
Stress: the pistons should have won by twenty
UnGifted1: yeah, no shit, double dribble? 2 OFFENSIVE fouls on Ben?
UnGifted1: I agree
UnGifted1: I love it
Stress: 99-62 in game three
UnGifted1: that’d be bad ass
UnGifted1: or if they held em under 54, what they held NJ to
Stress: that game was the absolute shit
Stress: prince for president
UnGifted1: just sucked I have no one to cheer with up here, but I am getting the guys at the shop more interested in Detroit then LA
UnGifted1: cuz once Phoenix is out of something, they all shift to SoCal teams
UnGifted1: u gotta update yer sportscenter now
Stress: fuck so cal, the only thing good about that joint are the babes, speaking of girls…i have to go and rub one out, i’m too excited, plus i have to work a double tomorrow and get ready for game three at the palace
UnGifted1: yer goin?
Stress: fuck no, but i’ll have a few 40 oz’ers ready, in hand
UnGifted1: hell yeah
UnGifted1: I hear ya there
Stress: talk to you soon my az brotha
UnGifted1: aight, piece
Stress: peace
Thanks for hangin’ tonight James, we’ll see you soon and good luck with all the sewer shit, oh and life. For sports done right have a helluva night. Peace.
Here I am to save the day. No, not really, but close, and soon I suppose. Sports Center is backin’ and packin’…all the way home. Next. So I try to make a spectacular return to my everyday duties as a sports reporter for the the ’skeet’ but alas that’s probably just me blowing a lot of smoke like before. This just in, ah, fuck it. The Tigers are in first place. Thats right and its not like three years ago when they started out 1-0. This years its a for-real 5-1. Way to go Tig’s. Like James and I were discussing last night over a cup of Joe the Tigers really have the attention of their fans, who I might add have seemed to be locked away in a Cambodian refugee camp for the last ten-plus years. I being one of the boat-people I am proud to say that as of four days ago I am a born-again fan of the Detroit Tigers. I even took out the ever so famous ‘18′ jersey and dusted the bitch off with a wire brush from the Coleman. So as the summer creeps up on all of us lets take a moment and pray that fall gets here even faster. As much as I heart watchin’ the Tigs I would much rather have my shitty Lions on the field trying to come back from a 28-3 half-time defict. Did I mention the John L. Smith led Spartans will win the Big Ten this year? Mark it down, Stresserdomus has spoken and it will happen. Bets can be made via the ‘Oneliners’, all major credit cards are not accepted. So how did everyone’s NCAA Final Four brackets turn out? Not good, well get in line, grab me a Bud and join the fucking crowd because I lost almost two cartons worth in the big tourney this year. AH NUTS! Well lets hope this year the Lions don’t get docked three games by drafting someone they will cut in mid-August. If you didn’t know the NFL has implimented a new rule saying that if an NFL team drafts someone they don’t need they automatically start off the year 0-3. Hey, idiots, the Lions don’t need any help to get to 0-3. They have no problem reaching that goal. Speaking of goal, soccer is for pussies, and if you have or do play soccer you are a HUGE FUCKING PUSSY! (except for Anng, girls are allowed because they have the pussy and pussy controls the world, money is second, nope thats beer, ok, then money, nope third is definately sex, but isn’t that the same as pussy? nope, way different because the term “sex” can mean several things, like: “Head” a.k.a. “a blow job” or “69ing” or as T-Bone would argue “anything that walks” a.k.a. “animals” then fourth I would say is 40’s). I love 40’s. They are cheap and come in paper bags that I reuse to put all my 40’s in. Yes! I recycle! Hopefully Curt Anes beats out Gino, err whatever that old fuckers name is, Rick, Ricky somethin’…Rick Springfield, maybe, huh, hmmmmm…”I wish that I had Jessie’s Girl, babbummp bumpbump, You know I wish I had Jessie’s Girl.” Sweet Caroline I am off my rocker and into the liquor cabinet. For Sports Done Right, Have a Helluva a NIGHT! Go get some.
well, well…good god damn, her i am. its life in the fast lane from here on out. less than four weeks of school left and i’m feeling frisky, frisk as hell that is. so the tig’s are a big suprise in the grapefruit league once again. hows last place feel boys? oh, well i guess thet are used to it. i went to but a new set of “golden bear” golf clubs tonight, but i couldn’t fork over the $200+, cool huh? maybe before i go to ‘tucky i suppose. the lions have picked up a few good people i see, and i guess they are looking to trade their 1st round draft pick to the patriots for their two (later round) 1st round draft picks and a few others. well the more picks the better i suppose. so all we have are the wings, like always. they have won the conference and the smythe troph…sweet, go oklahoma state, nevermind, you have lost, assholes, there goes the pool, again. for sports done right, have a helluva night. peace
WELCOME TO THE 100TH SPORTS CENTER EPISODE! Well, ok, it isn’t a “Gala-Event” like Sosa would say, but fuck it. So I haven’t been normal for much of this new year, or any year at that, but I want to start off by saying thank you for being such dedicated readers and long time Stress fans. Alright, you big babies, wipe away your tears and sit your fat asses on the floor…”Sports Center 100″ (not to be mistaken for the “Brickyard 400…that is NASCAR, and I’m not them, or it, or Billy Bob and I don’t make “love” to my mom…TIM!), well action is kncoking at your door (not to be confused with a song I once wrote while on the shitter)…Well now that football is over with it is safe to say that this column will blow chunks (not the dog) until mid July, then again the Tigers do have Pudge! Maybe they’ll break .500 this season. Maybe if I were on the team. Wait, i was, for that brief moment at Fifth-Third Ballpark I signed autographs for 500 kids and their parents,(ruined a 34-year old dudes authentic White Caps jersey…my bad) all because they “thought” I was a minor-league pitcher with the Mud Hens (that’s the Tigers triple “A” ball club in Toledo, OH…you stupid shit). So now that I have my 100th installment out there. For sports done right, have 100 more helluva night(s), etc.
WOW! What a Bowl Week! No, really, I could care less, except that I won a few bets (with Dildo). I hate the BCS more than I hate Cher, her face alone inferiorates me. Skippy is no English major mind you. So sports is what you wnat and I don’t care what you want so we have a problem. Shit. The Lions will draft in the sixth position in this April’s NFL Draft. So that only means someone else gets the “honor” to don the Honalulu Blue and Silver (and black too). Fuck it. For Sports done right, have a helluva night. You know.