Angrymosquito.com

Alright. It\’s been what? About three and a half months since I\’ve posted. Sweet. Here we go once again. Just remember kiddies… It\’s all about the funny. Then again, I\’m never funny… so it\’s all about shit. Fair enough? Then let\’s go.

Okay boys and girls… let\’s just sit back and have us a lil chit-chat. Now I don\’t wanna sound all psycho and shit, or that\’s at least what the voices tell me… but let\’s talk a little bit about a place called Circuit Shitty… or City… or any other shitty rhyme you can come up with. So I\’ve got this store director there. His name is Chris, and yes… you guessed it… he\’s a douchebag. A couple days ago he punked me out at our morning meeting in front of all the other shitties that had to work that day. Basically, he listed off a whole shitload of bitchwork that needed to be done, and then he told me that they moved me to that department for the day when I was originally scheduled in computers. So I was all like… fuck you very much. Needless to say, I was displeased. That\’s just one of many transgressions I\’ve had with this asshole since he came to darken my Circuit Shitty\’s automated sliding doorsteps….

This my friends… is one of the many reasons as to why I hate my j-o-b. But hey, who wants to be happy anyway? So I\’m going back to school. That way I can really be miserable. I found out that I suck at math. So I have to take an extra math class, and I found out that I\’m good at computers(who knew?). So I probably clep out of about three of my computer classes that I would\’ve gotten A\’s in. So I get to take classes that are gonna be a bitch, and I get to test out of classes that are easy. Ain\’t this a fuckin\’ treat. Granted, it\’s less money that I have to spend, but hey… I\’d like to at least pretend to be smart for a semester or two.

Yeah… so I\’m gonna get my networking degree, and three certifications in the process. Go me! Maybe then I\’ll feel smart. Well, if I don\’t at least I\’ll have a piece of paper that says I am. So eat shit to anyone who said I\’d be working a dead-end job and living paycheck to paycheck when I\’m 25………… um….. oh yeah… well… I guess they were right, but they can still eat shit. Because I\’m turnin\’ my life around dammit.

Besides all that… I\’ve been goin\’ to a group for the past few weeks because of my DUI that I got. It\’s called Journies, and oh boy is it a hoot. I\’m learning all about how to drink responsibly, and I pissed off all the full-blown alcoholics in there about a week ago. So things are going great there too, and if I wind up dead in a ditch somewhere here in town… I\’m sure James will find me when he does his roadkill cleanup, but just know that it was probably some alcoholic(besides James) that did me in.

Well, that’s all the “wisdom” that I’ve got to spew out for ya this time around, and, don’t worry, I’ll try and make my next one sooner, and more entertaining too. So have yourselves some fun ladies and gents….

And remember… Change can’t happen until someone shits their pants.

So I’m just kinda sittin’ here at GVSU… oh yeah! oh yeah!

Hey Kool-Aid!

Anyway…

I’m bored off my ass right now. I have no work oders that I can get done before five, and I start my vacation from GVSU tomorrow. I get to work at Circuit tomorrow from 9:45-2:30, but hey.

Did I ever tell you folks how much I hate spyware? It’s the fucking bane of my existence here. What I wouldn’t give to just take computers away from everyone that doesn’t know how to use them.

So I dealt with this one computer yesterday… and today… that had porn popups on it. Gee… I wonder how those got there. Of course it’s no-one’s fault here. I’m sure none of the student workers check out porn on that computer. Hell, even the faculty over there has access to it. Supervisors over in Student Services are all like, “How do those porn popups get on there anyway?”

It’s not like I can just flat out tell them that one of their employees over there is obviously checking out porn. I just tell them that someone’s probably going to the wrong type of website. See, I play it politically correct. However, as opposed to having the common sense it takes to realize what I’m implying, they just continue assuming that it’s some freak occurence. Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Well… that’s about it for this jam-packed installment of it’s Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaal.

Well here we goes…

I’m back at GVSU for another few months. I think it’s about time to talk to my supervisor’s here and tell them to fucking hire me. After all, I’ve been specifically requested back twice. Apparently, I can actually do something right every now and again. Go fig…

So I’m sittin’ here in the help desk, and I’m bored out of my skull. We’re goin’ through some changes here, administration wise. I guess “administrative changes” means that I don’t get more than one fucking work order a day. So yeah… I just kinda sit here at a computer waiting for someone to throw a work order onto my list. I’ve got one right now… In fact, I’ve had it since yesterday, but it can’t be done until tomorrow. Thumb up the ass game it is… yee haw.

Well, I started back here last Monday, and I come to find out that one of the guys that I was friends with here ended up stealing a whole shitload of projectors and and switches and junk. In fact, he’s going through felony proceedings against the school right now. Anyway, because of this horse shit, we have to wear these stupid-ass blue Wal-Mart vests with an I.T. logo on them. Evidently the stellar middle-aged to senior citizen security crew here at GVSU doesn’t have the eyesight ability to actually see our nice I.T. namebadges. So these blue vests, which cry out, “I’m a computer nerd. Beat me up at your earliest convenience,” are here to stay.

Well, that’s it for today. Have fun kiddies.

And remember… spandex is a privelege, not a right.

Well let’s see here… it’s time again for another jam-packed adventure of… *ahem*

EET’S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAL!

Yep… high heat life, baseball, and community service.

So I started my community service on Monday. Let me tell ya… that’s an experience. So, for an hour and a half on Monday… I cleaned a library. Then I smoked. Then I rode around in a city van for about half an hour. Then I emptied public trash cans. Then I threw them in a dumpster. After that… I spent the rest of the time watchin’ my supervisor dig through the trash bags in the dumpster for empty cans and stuff. The fun just never ends for four hours in East Grand Rapids.

Tuesday was a whole other adventure. I cleaned the library again. Watched one of the guys on community service with me try hitting on a couple of librarians. Listened to him and another community service guy talk about starting an escort service and getting a website together for it. Then we rode around in the van for a while. We stopped at a bakery so they could eat. Then we stopped at a liquor store so I could get some smokes. Cleared some dirt from around a fence gate that wouldn’t open all the way. Then we sat on a bench for a while. Then we just sat around in the van while our supervisor spray painted water main cutoffs for repairs.

So I’m paying my debt to society, and the East Grand Rapids library is clean as a whistle.

Beyond that… there’s not really a lot going on. I got to work at one today because one of the guys called in. Then I got my hour lunch at 1:45. I’m closing tonight, and I’m only allowed 2 smoke breaks besides my lunch. This fucking blows. I get another 6 hours and 45 minutes… and only TWO smoke breaks…

Anyway… that’s it. I’m done for the day. I have to punch back in, and try not to punch any customers as I feen for smokes.

Peace out suckas.

and remember… spandex is a privilege, not a right.

Okay kids… I’ve got a fucking wonderful story for you tonight. Oh yes… It’s just grand.

Keep in mind… I just got home from the bar… So I apologize in advance for the bad grammar and spelling if any…

So yeah…

I went to Tiki Bob’s tonight and had a blast. The best part though… and Shada… I apologize in advance for this one… I walk in the door, order a beer, and I see Sarah just hangin’ out with one of her friends. So I hang out with them for about a half hour to an hour or so… Then my ex shows up. I totally forgot that that Thursdays, on the week when she doesn’t have her kid, are the night she goes out to fucking Tiki Bob’s.

So I’m hanging out with Sarah… She goes to the bar to get a drink. My ex is kind enough to say some shit to Sarah about why she’s hanging out with me and that I’m gay and shit…

Then, after that, my ex comes up to me and tells me that I should leave. After all, her brother and her cousin are there, and they wouldn’t be happy seeing me “hit on” some other “slut”. Yeah… that’s what she called John’s woman. I was pretty pissed about that and told her to fuck off. Then, I see her brother and her cousin. They were happy as shit to see me. Turns out that they don’t have any problems with me at all, and they were happy as hell to see me for a change.

Yeah… that was cool. Why? Because it, once again, proves that my ex is a total fucking retard. Yee haw.

Anyway… Sarah comes up to me after the “exchange” and tells me what she said to her. All Sarah said back to her was that she was sorry, and that I was nice, and I was her boyfriend’s friend so she thought it would be cool to hang out with me. Now isn’t that just fucking wrong or what?

Hah!!! Yeah fucking right…

So, a little later, a few of my friends from Circuit City showed up. Now I didn’t plan jack shit tonight… So this was all good in my book.

I hang out with them for a while, and, the whole time, my ex is out on the dance floor throwing herself at different guys trying to make me jealous. Now that was just fucking funny as shit, especially when some of them turned her down. Once again, keep in mind, I am the fucking man. I am Sosa… hear me fucking roar. Rawr… or Nyaaaaar… whichever works best.

So then I’m hangin’ out with my ex’s cousin for a while. She walks right up to him and asks to use his cell to call some guy or something. He gives it to her, and then he says right to me, after she leaves, that he thinks it’s total bull shit for her to do that right in front of me to try and make me jealous. I told him that I don’t even fucking care anymore, and he just laughed and told me that was cool.

So, I guess the moral of the story is… My ex is a fucking retarded bitch. She tried to start shit with one of my best friend’s girls… She talked shit to me… and she was even kind enough to make a retard out of herself trying to make me jealous.

I don’t know if she even remembers that I have a column on this website, but, if she does…. Carmen… you’re a fucking idiot girl. Nothing personal, but lay off my friends. You’re just making yourself look stupid.

So yeah… that was fun. Check ya later kids. For more adventures in Sosa-land… check back in a few days for another version of…

It’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

The uni-can has spoken… fuckers.

Lata.

Once again it’s time for the show that never ends, but sometimes you wish it would…

And, for those of you that wish this… I have but one thing to say…

Fuck you.

Anyway, prepare yourselves for yet another jarring installment of it’s Sooooooooooo reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaal… or something like that.

Now I don’t want to sound all crazy here or anything like that, but where in the hell has everyone been? I know… I know… I’m one of the LAST people on the face of this fucking website that should be saying that. After all, I pulled the best fucking Houdini act since that lunatic was alive… whenever that was. Ah shit, I’m getting off track again.

Okay… focus…

I know I left a lot of you guys high and dry. I also know that I had at least some of your support for doing it like that. Those people shall remain nameless, but you know who you are. To the people that didn’t support me… I don’t blame you one bit. Not anymore at least. I was wrong. My friends are, were, and always will be some of the most important people in my life. I had a hell of a way of showing it too back then, but that’s just it… it’s back then.

I know I can say it’ll never happen again, and I also get the fact that you guys will more than likely never believe it until that statement is battle tested. Once again, I can’t blame you, but shit happens…

Now I’m not asking for much at all. I never thought that I’d have to ask, but that’s how much you guys mean to me. Would it kill ya to just call me once in a while or something? The only person I’ve talked to in the last week has been Skippy, and even that was last Saturday. I know you guys are busy and shit… hell, I am too, but that never stopped us all from being able to get together at least once every week or two.

Come on kiddies… it’s time to rally the fucking troops here. I know I’m almost always broke, and that makes a bar night tough. Well slap my ass and call me Charlie… cuz I don’t give a fuck anymore. The old Sosa’s back in business, and NO FUCKIN’ JIMMY DOIN’!!!! HIGH HEAT BASEBALL ‘99 IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN’ REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!! Nyyyyaaaaar and all that shit too.

Let’s get this chuck wagon rollin’. I don’t care if it’s NTN trivia, a beer and a hockey game, or just gettin’ tanked for the hell of it. That’s right boys and girls… I’m callin’ out each and every single stinkin’ one of ya… from the lightest of the lightweights to the drunkest of the drunks.

If you’re up for it, that’s great… If you’re not… then you’re not. It’s no skin off my ass.

Saturday night… I’ll let you guys pick the place. I work ’til ten, but I’ll be there.

The ball’s in your court now.

The uni-can has spoken….

Well… I suppose… it’s time for another thrilling, exciting, and totally unnecessary column from the one and only ME… Sosa… you know… that one guy… used to live with Stamp and Zorro a long time ago… You guys used to come over to the pad… we called it casserole. Anyway…

So I have the day off, and I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ to myself… Hey, I don’t have shit to do. Maybe I’ll update my column. Then I decided to go ahead and do it. Isn’t that great? Okay. I’m smokin’ and drinkin’ some mountain dew. My stomach’s all fucked up, and I’ve got my court date tomorrow for my DUI. From what I understand, my fines are gonna be cut substantially, but I get to go to traffic school and do some kind of alcohol test or some shit. That sucks because I like to drink, but I’ve learned my lesson as to the whole drinking and driving thing.

I think the part where I learned my lesson was bein’ locked up in the drunk tank at Kent County with the same bum who asked me for change just before I walked into Gardella’s that night. He even told me that I looked familiar. That was poetic fucking justice at it’s finest right there. I don’t know what it is about mugshots either, but even I look like a criminal in mine. Go figure…

Yep… that was a fun night. They told me I was under arrest. I asked if they were going to read me my rights. They said I watch too much TV. I felt like they’ve known me my whole life.

The best part though was messing with the arresting officer in the big breathalizer room. I just wouldn’t drop that I wanted to know how they determine what, and I’ll see if I can remember this right keep in mind I was drunk, .8 units of alcohol per liter of blood is. After I asked that question about ten times the officer started to get pissed and finally admitted that they didn’t know, and I was going to have to take the damn breathalizer or be strapped down to have blood drawn. Then they gave me sixty seconds to decide what I wanted to do, and I said I wanted someone else to come in who could explain the whole alcohol to blood thing. Then I asked for a lawyer. Then the officer said no. So I asked about why I was being denied the opportunity to talk to a lawyer. The officer said they’d get me a phone book so I could call one. That was interesting. Officer left the room, stayed in plain view of me the whole time, didn’t talk to anyone or even look for a phone book, came back in a minute later and said that they changed their mind. I said I wanted the phone book, and asked about my right to a lawyer. Cop said I didn’t have any rights. Go figure, all this time I thought the system was about due process. Anywho, I now had ten seconds to blow in the tube, or be strapped down by a bunch of city/county boys. If I were gay… the choice would’ve been clear, but since I’m not… I finally gave up and blew in the tube.

After I did that the officer was my best fucking buddy all of the sudden. Who knew? I guess I’m just a fun guy when I’m drunk.

Well that’s my story, and the conclusion… well, that should be tomorrow. Once again, I’d like to thank the system for being a piece of dog shit, and remember ladies and germs…

IT’S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!

Yeah… it’s late, and I’m bored, and tired…

Anyway, snow sucks. I had to call in to work tuesday because a two hour drive back and forth on shitty roads isn’t worth the four hour shift I was scheduled for a Circuit Shitty. But the good side of that is that I got my equipment for my sbc yahoo dsl yesterday. So I’m on broadband again.

Time for some cool shit tho… if I can think of any.

So my ex keeps callin’ me to find out when she can get her stuff out of my car. The funny thing about that is the last two times she was supposed to meet me to get it, she stood me up. Yep… ain’t life grand? It’s all packed away in a milk crate she stole from her work. So I’m thinkin’ I need to make a “special delivery” there so I don’t have to deal with her, and maybe some good will come of one of her higher ups findin’ out she took shit. Am I vindictive? Damn…. that’s a big word for 2 in the a.m.

So she calls me tonight to let me know she gave “our” cat away cuz it was pissin’ and shittin’ on everything. The point of that… I don’t know, but I think it’s cool, cuz he probably pissed on something of hers. Which is great. Yeah… I’m retarded.

Well, I’m almost out of cigarettes, and that’s a bad thing. But I actually have money for cigs now thanx to my new friend called ultimatebet.com. Yes… you can play no limit hold em online there for free or for cheddar. Cheddar… wow… I really am an idiot. Oh well, I’m winnin’ at poker. So if I can win, any of you guys should be able to.

Life in Greenville pretty much sucks. I feel so damned isolated from everything. Isolated… another big fucking word. Kinda reminds me of bein’ with the ex… Except for the fact that I don’t have to deal with her shit 24 fucking 7, and I can actually hang out with you guys again.

My computer’s broke. Been broken ever since I moved back to this God forsaken wasteland known as Greenville. Damn motherboard fried. So I’m workin’ on savin’ my poker winnings to buy a new one. Then I’ll be happy again… I think.

Cleared up all my credit card debt, and it only costs me over half my measly ass paycheck every two weeks. So I’m basically runnin’ on fumes since my poker money is for emergencies only at this point. Yeah… the ex helped me rack my credit cards way the hell up there, but that’s another mistake I’ll never make again. Especially since I’ve got shitty credit now. Yee haw.

Well, I guess that about covers it for the adventures in sosa-land lately. Give me a buzz sometime people. I wanna hang out and shit… or somethin’…

Later folks, and, before I forget…

It’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaal! Or somethin’ like that.

Well I’m back again.

Good ol’ GVSU for another month. However, this time I’m stuck up in Allendale. No more spinning wheel lunches for Sosa…. eh… shit happens… then you die from AIDS.

Anyway, things with the woman are calming down again. They were pretty rocky there for a while, but now I’d say we got out of the rocks… and into the fucking bermuda triangle. We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing or where we’re going anymore.

Besides that… life is just grand. Um… or something similar.

Well, that about covers it for my lame-ass column this time. I’ll write again soon once I have some high heat inspiration.

’til then… peace out suckaz…

Guess who’s back…

Back again…

Sosa’s back…

Tell a friend…

Okay ladies and gents. It’s a new day, and with a new day comes a brand new oldy but goody. It’s high heat life back before Stress got his hands on it. That’s right. I’m back in full form, and IT’S SOOOOOOOOOOO REAL!

You know what I don’t understand in this world today? I don’t understand how some people can just get their lives straight fuckin’ hijacked by other people. Yes, that’s right… I’m one to talk, but I am talking… and that means you’re shutting the fuck up to listen to me. =)

Anywho… so you’re just going on with your normal, everyday grind. When, suddenly, someone comes up to you with a fuckin’ Uzi of shit that starts out lookin’ like kindness, warmth, feeling, tenderness, and even some understanding. But then, once you take that bullet proof vest off, you find the brick of C-4 strapped to your nutsack that’s jam packed full of pain, tears, guilt, remorse, and even some self loathing… just for kicks.

Yet, by the time you realize all this has happened, the milk cartons with your face on them are already out of production, and you’re left wondering if anyone is still trying to find you.

Then you finally manage to take the blindfold off and get to see yourself for who you are now. You’re smarter, wiser, a little worse for wear, but all in all you’re still in one piece.

Now you’ve been in captivity so long that they give you a little more freedom. You’re allowed to do some things for yourself now, but they still watch with an untrusting eye. They wait for you to try something so they can lock you up again, but you don’t mess up. You keep on goin’. You’re the same as you’ve always been, just without the people you’ve always been around to keep you fully sane and grounded.

Then, one night, you get the chance to run. You find the nearest phone and call someone to let them know you’re free, if only for one night. You go out. You get to have some fun. You remember the person that you were before this whole thing happened, but you get scared. You have to get back before they see you’ve been gone. So you come back. You’re enlightened, and a renewed sense of self begins to surface.

Then, one day, you do a little too much looking around in the holding area and find some information. You thought you were the only captive, but you see they’ve been scouting others. You’ve ran before, but this time that care of getting hurt vanishes. Let it happen to this poor goon instead, but you also think about whether or not you can take it out on your own again. You think about the next poor goon who’ll have to put up with everything that you did in your time here.

You see people… this is where the dillemma comes into play. What do you do? Do you run the next time you get the chance, or do you stay to protect yourself from the outside and protect others from making it in? Quite the story eh? Yep… I thought so too. You go from bein’ on cloud nine to the 7th concentric circle of Dante’s Easy Bake in a matter of seconds.

What do you do? What does anyone do? We’ve all been there before, but the question gets harder and harder to answer each time we come across it.

Oh fuck it. I’ve gone and gotten WAY to deep for this website. lol

Well, that’s this edition of high heat…. uh oh… not high heat no mo… IT’S SOOOOOOOOOOOO REAL!

Remember everyone… spandex is a privilege, not a right.

BOOYAH!