Angrymosquito.com

Gues who’s back….back again…..Dildo’s back…..he’s the man………..sup motherfuckers….and welcome to another edition of Prickl 101…….let’s talk about the thing that everyone has recently witnessed and I perrsonally cannot stand…..the angry drunk……..you know who you are….your’e the one in the corner of the room trying to get everyone to beat your ass or the crazy bitxch who can’t keep her mouth shut……and whagt is your biggest talent?……ruining the fun for everyone else…..after the events of 8-16………everyone can probably see why the prickmaster is not really willing to have people around his family very much…..it takes away all his drinking fun…..aqnd he has to fucking babyswit all night…….it doesn’t take a real man top talk a whole bunch of shit he can’t back up………the real man is the one who ignores the angry drunk and then laughs at him later……people who go out everywhere looking for a fight crack me up……seriously…….I always fidn mself asking my friends…..”What do guys want to do tonight??? Have fun or start fights with random people?”………I guess my friends are just more into having a good time thenrolling around witha bunch of guys…..some people aren’t….like the Joel Dunphy Mafia……I mean if my friend called me in the wee hours of the morning and said “hey man , I started a fight with everyone purposerly and now I can’t back my shit up”….Do you think thast I would be on my way? hell no, I would laugh at the motherfucker and hang up on him…….This brings me to believe that the youth of america…..birthyear 1982-present…..just can’t handle drinking……so fi you have a younger subling…and you are 21…be responsible….keep them the hell away from alcohol or reep the hell uit will bring you…..trust me…I know….and since most of you witnesses ….unless you are just braindead…..you should know too…….I apologize to all the people who witnessed my actions on the above named adte because I lost my cool….soemthign that doesn’t happen very often…..but above all remember this from that night…..if you ever wonder why I am the way I am ……just remember what you saw of my family and most of that shit should be answered for you…..Sincerely….the Man…..DILDO

Well……..since I am not really angry about anything right now and am generally happy about everything……I will bring blast from the past in the form of a Dear Dildo

Dear Dildo,
I am a 16-year-old guy. I don’t really know how to explain this. I guess I met this girl over the summer and all I can think about is her. She is thirteen. She’s all I ever think about. I’ve thought about committing suicide, but I’m too afraid right now, because I know I am going to do something good with my life.
I just don’t know how I am going to get over this girl. I would do anything for her.
I’m just afraid if I don’t get over her somehow, I’m not going to be able to take it anymore. Can you please give me some advice or something?
-Confused

Dear Confused,
First of all…..why don’t you tell us the truth about your age?…..you don’t think it is socially acceptable for a 25 year old to be in love with a 13 year old?…….your’e damn right…..16 is prolly too old for the bitch too dumbass……..but, let’s get down to some advice for your dumb pedophile ass…….that’s so sweet that you met her this summer and can’t get her out of your mind…..pussy…..but commit suicide for a piece of ass?…..I thought you were a dumbass for going after a 13 year old…..but obviously you must be one ugly mother fucker……cause this fucking teeny bopper is the only thing you can get close too……….I think that if I was as ugly as you must be….I might consider suicide too you piece of dog shit……also somone as stupid as you is never going to go anywhere in life…..so get that out of your mind….and if you wanna do something for her that will really help her……leave her the fuck alone because you will just mess her up as much as you are…….you wanted some advice, you got some…….now go do something good….get a life or beat it….
-Dildo

There it is folks….me making a difference in a pathetic loser’s life…..aren’t I grand?…..and remember….control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered….and if all else fails…..be a prick….The Prickmater, Dildo

well…..to me 5 fans out there in cyberspace and all you other fuckers that hate me……here it is one more time….The Word of the Dildo……..let’s get down to the first thing on my mind…….ok… Out in california a school banned dodgeball because the older bigger kids dominated. and another school banned the game of tag because it singled out a child and they thought it was bad. Those are the games we played at school and they are banning them cause they might be damaging to the childs feelings….give me a fucking break …..in today’s day and age….parents are raising a generation of pussies……if you want your kid to be the welcome mat for the world to stomp on….you might as well say to hell with a kid being tough….start putting a helmet on little tommy and elbow pads on little suzy……god know all us kids who were raised with trips to the emergency room and bumps and bruises need someone to pick on and beat the shit out of when we are having a bad day……orgive tommy the little plastic truck because with the metal tonka truck….he could cut himself…..pusssssssssssssy…..or worse, if he bumped his head with it, he could actually experience the bumps and bruises of a real childhood…….and you know these parents who are banning all our childhood games from school are beating the shit out of their children in the privacy of their own basement anyways….”Hey bobby….come on down to the timeout room for you daily beating….but don’t forget your helmet and elbow pads”……wanna hear some statistics on tough kids….too fuckin bad….all you’re going to hear if my fucking opinion biiiiooooootch…….well, I must get back to my exciting unemployed life…..until we meet agin……fuck you all…….and remember ….control the kid population…..have your kids spayed or neutered……if all ealse fails…be a prick…

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK TIHMAY FOR HIS HELP ON THIS COLUMN

Well………Dildo is back in the heazy fo sheazy…….tihmay won’t get off my ass to write a new column…….so your’e gettin what you wanted…….drama, drama, drama………..who wants it?…..who needs it?……….no one……but as usual……it is brought into the mix….everyone know that when you bring a whole bunch of different people together and add alcohol into the equation…….total chaos right?……doesn’t have to be that way…..sure, people have bad days and even the men get their panties in a bunch….but it isn’t necessary gents…….or ladies for that matter……We look back on the events of the past weekend……and what does it come down to…..people just not at all eager to let things slide……everything that is said is taken as life or death now a days…….I personally don’t understand this because I have always been one to let things slide by most of the time……if you think I am full of shit……rebutt me in the oneliners….send me an email dildo@angrymosuito.com……..also…..I am not witness to what happened in the latter events at my house on saturday night….so I am impartial in this opinion……I have only one thing to say…..no matter how many you have tossed back….no matter what a friend….(key word friend)……says to make you mad……you don’t hit, kick, bite, in any way physically attack a friend…..it is just one of the unwritten rules when it comes to friends….hate me or love me for bringing this out……..you know I could give a shit…………but “should” be riding around inside everyone’s subconcious……..just thought that I would let my wonderful and highly loved opinion be known to everyone once again…..eat shit and die adoring fans

OFF
FOR
THE
SUMMER

to the millions of adoring fans out there and the one whiner who is going to be pissed off….quote the Dildo: for all of you sympathy hungry losers out there…..you might not want to get yourself into a situation where you ain’t getting any sympathy, not even from the big man upstairs…..there are some lines you just don’t cross….and a certain person crossed them and then cries when noone goes…..”Sorry ***”…….words cannot even begin to explain how little anyone actually cares about this awful mess you got yourself into……..we’ll leav it at that so I don’t get my column pulled for the 100th time……..but this situation still seriously pisses me off….and we all know why you didn’t come to me whining….you went to the one person who you thought might feel a little sorry for you…..and no dice…..too bad chump……..you are so pathetic i think you deserve your own column and a spot in dunphy’s hall of shitbricks…..and remember….if all else fails…find a married chic….oops be a prick……me bad cubbies….
-The Prickmaster, Dildo

to the millions of adoring fans out there and the one whiner who is going to be pissed off….quote the Dildo: for all of you sympathy hungry losers out there…..you might not want to get yourself into a situation where you ain’t getting any sympathy, not even from the big man upstairs…..there are some lines you just don’t cross….and a certain person crossed them and then cries when noone goes…..”Sorry ***”…….let’s play a little game……

R-Really should have kicked your dumb ass
A-Almost did, but you could have killed him….right
C-Comes from a different country
H-

Sup motherfuckers……..well, it has been an interesting time since I last talked to all my faithful fans out there in cyberspace…..not that I give a shit about you…but hey….The biggest prick in the world….the man of all men….has actually started to settle down….but besides that…..honestly not pointing fingers…..what is the attraction for men to chicks with kids?….it is almost like there are a bunch of guys age ranging 21-26 who have a whole life ahead of them who are getting off on dirty diapers and little brats for some reason…….i am oblivious to the fact that a little one or a bun in the oven is a turn on……well, I guess to each his own…….but I would think that any man with half a brain and that wants kids might wanna raise his own…..just my thought…..I know love can happen in strange places…..if you think that I am fucked up in thinking this….email my ass…tell me what’s up…….and if you are the one whiner who is gonna think this is him……this is not a personal attack on anyone….I am seeing it everywhere……on to the next best thing…..females and penis sizes…….I think it is totally cool that you set around and giggle about this at your fucking slumber parties and shit……but I personally don’t give a shit about how big Johnnie Palmer’s cock is and if you think guys do….you are sadly mistaken…..the only exception would be a guy that has big holes in the ass of his pants….the gay one….(ha ha you know who)……just keep that one to yourselves ladies unless you are braggin to your friends or us about how big our cock is….then it is ok…..the final thing I would like to talk about is the greatest thing in the world for all you jerks and jackasses out there…..chicks love you….keep beating them, cheating on them, telling them they are not good enough and ugly, and lying to them….because they love it…..anyone who can explain this is the smartest person in the world……..I can think of one chick in particular right now who needs to get rid of a MT asshole……but that is all the bitching for tonight…..and remember control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered……and if all else fail…..be a prick…
-The prickmaster Dildo

Well, the man is back up in this mother fucker….coming at you at the end of a big event and on the day of another……yesterday was my 21st birthday and a blast, thanks to everyone who came out….and also today is an anniversary with a very special (and lucky as far as I am concerned) girl out there who means the world to me…..but enough of this lovey dovey shit before I puke…….Thanks to the anonymous texan fucker out there who decided that I was gonna puke last night and actually made five bucks off it…..thanx to my first and last shot of 151 ever……..on to the meaty shit…. we are bringing a blast from the past with and advice column……

Dear Dildo,
I have been talking to a female online for like 6 months now and we have really bonded and she lives fairly close to me….i am a 26/m and she is a beautiful blode who plays tennis and looks like a supermodel…….She told me she would like to meet me……but, she is asking for my credit card so she can take the train to see me…..I have a great feeling that this maye be the one forn me…..I think I am in love…..What do you suggest that I do?
-Lustful in L.A.

Dear Lustful,
I don’t even know where to start with your dumb ass…First of all, if you have time to sit and talk to this chick for 6 months straight every night, you are probably too much of a loser for me to even help….but Dildo will give you a little something…..This “beautiful blonde tennis player” you are talking to online is most likely a 50 year old fat man who types with one hand while chatting with you…..”she ” would probably like to do more than meet you….I am thinking somewhere along the lines that this old man wants to ride on your hershey highway…..That is if this person isn’t really a chick and trying to scam your dumb ass….From how stupid I can already tell you are, you will probably just ignore what I say and end up with a sore ass or a maxed out credit card….but, either way, people as stupid as you should be shot by firing squad….thanks for the letter…and remember, control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered…if all else fails…be a prick
-The Prickmaster, Dildo