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Here’s a list of pickup lines to use the next time you go to the bar.
- I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
- Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone told me you were looking for me.
- I’m Irish. Want to taste my lucky charms?
- Do you tste as good as you look?
- Hey babe. Wanna get LUCKY?
- Is it cold in here or are you just happy to see me?
- Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
- That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
- How about you and me play spin the bottle?
- I’m new in town; can i have directions to your house?
- Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
- I’d like to wrap your legs around my face and wear you like a feed bag.
- If i were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this quesion?
- They say that spples don’t fall far from the tree, so your mom must be hot too.

Welcome to a new page of Better Than Miss Michigan! Happy New Year to all of those that survived the drunken stupor that seems to go hand in hand with every New Years Eve party. If any one was watching the ball drop on FOX News, you probably saw Stress and I drunk as F%#@! They broadcasted live from the “party” that we went to in Nashville. The attendance wasn’t too impressive but it was still a good time.

After spending over one hundred dollars on booze, I still went home empty handed. Not that I planned on getting laid, but the potential was definitely there. Why did the bar have to sell until 4:00 AM. If they would’ve stop selling earlier I could’ve saved a few bucks. New Years Eve only happens once a year, so I guess I can’t complain too much.

National Hangover Day was a day of recovery and catching up on lost sleep. For those of you who haven’t heard of this newly recognized day of pain, it is also known as New Years Day. Mine was spent at the Hermitage (Andrew Jackson’s house/museum) and in bed watching UofM lose the Rose Bowl. Shitty day to say the least.

For those of you that hooked up at midnight, Congrats. To those that didn’t, better luck next time. But just remember, There’s More To Life Than Your Right Hand!

Welcome to another exciting update of the Better Than Miss Michigan Page. If you’ve been outside at all in the past few weeks you’d noticed that it is much colder than it was three months ago. You’ve got to love Michigan weather. In addition to cold weather, women are wearing more clothes. No more bikinis on the beach. Short shorts and tank tops are a thing of the past. The only things we have to look forward to now are snow bunnies and drunk sledding.

Ice fishing season is just around the corner. What’s more fun than sitting in an ice shanty with a few of your buds, hovering over a hole in the ice, waiting for the “big one” to strike the minnow that you meticulously placed onto your hook. Cold beer is just an arm’s reach away staying cold on the frigid lake surface. Ice fishing is not entirely about catching fish. It’s about bull shitting with friends and catching up on old times.

That’s all the time I’ve got. The women in the hot tub are calling for me. Just remember, there’s more to life than your right hand.

With all the hype about the soldiers in Iraq, I thought I would post a bulletin of suspected terrorists around the world. I’ve comprised a list and here it is.
1. M’BALZ ES’HARI
2. GRAABIR BOUBI
3. HAID D’SALAAMI
4. HOUS BIN PHARTEEN
5. I-BIN PHARTEEN
6. I-ZHEET M’DRURZ
7. SHEIF HIRBOUSH
8. AL-SUQ AKWEER
9. MUSTAF HEROD APYUR POUPR
10. AWAN AFUQYA
11. YUL STROKHEET AL-WAUCH
12. APUL MADEEK-AOUD
13. YULIQA M’DIQ
14. UWANA M’DIQ
15. USUQA M’DIQ

If you have any information regarding the above-mentioned terrorists, please contact your local hooker. Just remember, there’s more to life than your right hand!

BEER IS GOOD! PUSSY IS GOOD! POKER IS GOOD! Speaking of poker, we are going to start an annual World Series of Poker. If you are interested than let me know via oneliners. The cost will be $50. Details will be posted at a later time. Thanks goes out to the guys at State (Szejda, Tree, Canadian, the other guy) for hosting a party last weekend. Hope to see much more in the near future. Best wishes to “Head Trauma Nate” due to a near concussion “slip and fall” accident outside of The Riv bar. Don’t drink and run, lesson learned. That’s all I’ve got for now. Check back later for more updates. There’s more to life than your right hand!

Happy belated Forth of July! I spent the extended weekend in Daytona Beach, Florida. The sun was shinin’, the beer a flowin, and the eye candy getting sweeter by the minute. We spent the weekend basking in the sun and enjoying the scenery. For those of you that are not in the know, the Pepsi 400 NASCAR race was going on in Daytona.
I don’t know what the weather was like in Michigan (or Arizona), but it was hotter than shit in Florida. It did however rain a liitle bit, but that didn’t put a dent in our good times. The third degree sun burns on my back and chest weren’t very pleasant either.
I have four tickets available for next years Pepsi 400 if anyone is interested. They are going fast, so speak up or forever hold yor peace. I’m not going to take an IOU for this race though. I don’t need anyone to back out at the last minute again.
If anyone watched the SPEED Channel’s Trackside show on Friday at 7:00 you may have seen Lindsay and me. We watched it live. I caught a few can coozie’s from the hottie’s on the stage that were throwing them. They have quite the talent working on their crew.
I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.
Get out and enjoy life ’cause there’s more to life than your right hand!

Welcome back to “Better than Miss Michigan” for another exciting update from the new Silver Lake Airlines Pilot. Yes, that’s me, the main supreme. Comin’ straight at ya from the Silver Lake sand dunes. I recently acquired my pilot’s license this past Memorial Day weekend when I scored a perfect 100% on my take off and landing test. I only went through one clutch and a blown oil line to accomplish this remarkable task.
It’s all about “Go Big or Go Home” when you’re on the sand. Like my pops always told me, “You didn’t have fun if you didn’t break anything.” And I certainly broke something. Friday evening my clutch went out from sidestepping it at the top of the hills to launch myself into the pleasant enjoyment of the sky. It is the most amazing feeling in the world when you are soaring with the wind the that brief moment before you come crashing down into the soft footing of the sand.
As you can see form the pics in the User Uploads section of the Picture Gallery, the sand is not always enjoyable. We were involved in a “fender bender” on Monday. Some punk kid who wasn’t paying any attention to where he was going, ran head-on into the front of my friends truck. This wasn’t one of those accidents that you see on REAL TV. The boy didn’t just get up and walk it off. I’m sure he would’ve if he hadn’t broke his leg in five places. That wasn’t all that he broke either. As far as I know, he also broke his arm. There could be internal damage as well as some other broken bones (hip, ribs, collarbone, etc). For those of you, who are not experienced riders, please pay attention to the big truck that is in your path.
For those of you who didn’t make it out of the house for the big weekend, SORRY. It was an awesome time, in case you were wondering. Even though the weather wasn’t the greatest, we still hit the sand every day. As soon as the rain let up we were starting up our buggies for another round of wheelies and getting’ air. The rain only made it better for traction, which equals speed.
Just remember, there’s more to life than your right hand.

This past weekend (as much as I remember) was a blast. It consisted of my two favorite things in life, pussy and sand. I completed the rebuild of my dune buggy Saturday night. Then I went down to the bar. It started out slow and uneventful but as the night went on and the drinks got plentiful, the night got better.
We counted at least 5 baccalaureate parties at the bar. We may have participated in a few. It’s a shame to see such beautiful women throw their lives away by getting married. But then again, a ring never plugged a hole for me. Speaking of plugged holes, I saw one of my exes at the bar that night. We talked for a little bit, but I had to end the night as I already closed the bar and had to wake up early in the morning.
I woke up late Sunday morning (8:15 AM) to go to the dunes. I finally arrived in Silver Lake at 10:00 AM with the biggest hangover thanks to good ol’ Morgan. The annual hill climb had already began with hundreds of spectators already claiming the good seats. We watched a dozen or more buggies, jeeps, and rails compete is the competition. These are some of the most amazing machines you have/will ever see in your entire life. From turbo charged to super charged, and even the occasional naturally aspirated packin a bottle (NOS).
We then unloaded my buggy and proceeded into the dunes. You couldn’t ask for a better day. We went from cruisin’ the beach to hittin’ the hills. It was awesome.
The sand is the place to be this summer! Hope to see ya’ there!

There’s more to life than just your right hand.