Archive for December 21st, 2004:
Sports, hmmmm. Is that why I am here. But I do not care for these such evenst that cause me to sleep all day on Sunday afternoon. Yes I do you fucksticks. Sorry if I seem extra pissed today it’s because I am. And if you’re like me you’ll have to suck it up and enjoy the few minutes you are at the sports desk. Little Bitch. Jumping into the hot water I want to wish the Detroit Lions a Merry Chirstmas and a Happy Get Fucked! God Damnit! Are you kidding me. Some “inside” information for all you on the pot and not shitting. 1. The Lions are a terrible organization that must have the old white dudes no longer have dictatorship before they can be considered a “decent” team. 2. Joey Harrington is, and, always will be, a huge pussy. In order for him to relinquish this title is for him to do what La Bamba did or get infected with the flu every Saturday night before the game. I know a few Division bums that could be great candidates for the guy who sneaks into Joe’s room and sticks him with the virus. Have another IV Joseph. Drunk. Over to the No Hockey League. Yup. Where the sidewalk ends and the road begins, you said goodbye on a cold dark night. Now I am forced to go to free Griffins games and suffer. Thanks Yzerman. Shit I have almost left out teh most important shit. No I haven’t. Losers. Have a happy “I have no money to buy anybody anything so maybe next year when I don’t live in this state anymore I’ll buy you something you’ll hate and return to Target and sit in line on December 26th for 14 hours just to get your petty $32.49″ Christmas! For sports done right. Homeskilletslicepants.
I have a few things to be pissed about these days I suppose. Actually I have a few thousand things to be angry about. For the sake of listing a google I will rant and rave for exacly five minutes…starting now!
1. I hate Christmas, not baby Jesus, but the “Holiday” portion. Talk about a designer celebration.
2. I would have had a few extra hundred somethings but someone helped themselves to my shit.
3. X-Mas is over-rated. I mean, shit, what the fuck are you happy about when it is ten fucking degrees out?
4. I used to have a reason to love christmas, but that got smashed with my locksafe.
5. That’s a funny word for a “lock-box”…SAFE!… that is supposed to keep personal items comfortably content within it’s boundaries. You’d be suprised what a few whacks of a hammer can do.
6. Damnit, I forgot that the hammer had an accomplice…the yellow/black phillips screwdriver.
7. So there really is a Grinch. I would love to meet this Grinch and beat the fuck out of him/her in the back corner of my yard.
8. I have to go…5 minutes is a long time when you are writing, I just wish taht could carry over to the bedroom when I’m…Outta time.
Funny Story
My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me,
and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all
beautiful and sexy. She sometimes flirted me, quite obviously too,and made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over to check the invitations.
So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived she whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can’t overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
So she said “I’ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me.” I just watched her as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door… I opened it and stepped out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said “We are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn’t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car.