Archive for December, 2004»
Sports, hmmmm. Is that why I am here. But I do not care for these such evenst that cause me to sleep all day on Sunday afternoon. Yes I do you fucksticks. Sorry if I seem extra pissed today it’s because I am. And if you’re like me you’ll have to suck it up and enjoy the few minutes you are at the sports desk. Little Bitch. Jumping into the hot water I want to wish the Detroit Lions a Merry Chirstmas and a Happy Get Fucked! God Damnit! Are you kidding me. Some “inside” information for all you on the pot and not shitting. 1. The Lions are a terrible organization that must have the old white dudes no longer have dictatorship before they can be considered a “decent” team. 2. Joey Harrington is, and, always will be, a huge pussy. In order for him to relinquish this title is for him to do what La Bamba did or get infected with the flu every Saturday night before the game. I know a few Division bums that could be great candidates for the guy who sneaks into Joe’s room and sticks him with the virus. Have another IV Joseph. Drunk. Over to the No Hockey League. Yup. Where the sidewalk ends and the road begins, you said goodbye on a cold dark night. Now I am forced to go to free Griffins games and suffer. Thanks Yzerman. Shit I have almost left out teh most important shit. No I haven’t. Losers. Have a happy “I have no money to buy anybody anything so maybe next year when I don’t live in this state anymore I’ll buy you something you’ll hate and return to Target and sit in line on December 26th for 14 hours just to get your petty $32.49″ Christmas! For sports done right. Homeskilletslicepants.
I have a few things to be pissed about these days I suppose. Actually I have a few thousand things to be angry about. For the sake of listing a google I will rant and rave for exacly five minutes…starting now!
1. I hate Christmas, not baby Jesus, but the “Holiday” portion. Talk about a designer celebration.
2. I would have had a few extra hundred somethings but someone helped themselves to my shit.
3. X-Mas is over-rated. I mean, shit, what the fuck are you happy about when it is ten fucking degrees out?
4. I used to have a reason to love christmas, but that got smashed with my locksafe.
5. That’s a funny word for a “lock-box”…SAFE!… that is supposed to keep personal items comfortably content within it’s boundaries. You’d be suprised what a few whacks of a hammer can do.
6. Damnit, I forgot that the hammer had an accomplice…the yellow/black phillips screwdriver.
7. So there really is a Grinch. I would love to meet this Grinch and beat the fuck out of him/her in the back corner of my yard.
8. I have to go…5 minutes is a long time when you are writing, I just wish taht could carry over to the bedroom when I’m…Outta time.
Funny Story
My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me,
and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all
beautiful and sexy. She sometimes flirted me, quite obviously too,and made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over to check the invitations.
So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived she whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can’t overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
So she said “I’ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me.” I just watched her as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door… I opened it and stepped out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said “We are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn’t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Here we go again on another exciting ride of thrills and chills I like to call, Life in the City…
Well, life in the city as we know it kind of sucks right now. I still am not getting paid shit and I also am not getting paid for holidays either… sucks ass. I also am working with out Forestry department right now, which is interesting in itself. As much as I can figure, the point of this department is to chip brush and cut stuff with saws… and also to see how much coffee can be consumed in one day at various different restaruants. Sorry this is so damn short but I gotta run, so happy holidays and remember, life in the city aint pretty.
Wow, everyone is updatin..I didn’t get the memo..I was workin on those TPS reports…shiiiiiiiiiit.
Headin back to GR to hang with you mo fos and I wanna go out, since I am a G-ma and honestly never do anymore! I’m 20-fuckin 3 now and we gotta celebrate..since my bday blew!
latas yo, and sPARTY on! f’sho
Alright. It\’s been what? About three and a half months since I\’ve posted. Sweet. Here we go once again. Just remember kiddies… It\’s all about the funny. Then again, I\’m never funny… so it\’s all about shit. Fair enough? Then let\’s go.
Okay boys and girls… let\’s just sit back and have us a lil chit-chat. Now I don\’t wanna sound all psycho and shit, or that\’s at least what the voices tell me… but let\’s talk a little bit about a place called Circuit Shitty… or City… or any other shitty rhyme you can come up with. So I\’ve got this store director there. His name is Chris, and yes… you guessed it… he\’s a douchebag. A couple days ago he punked me out at our morning meeting in front of all the other shitties that had to work that day. Basically, he listed off a whole shitload of bitchwork that needed to be done, and then he told me that they moved me to that department for the day when I was originally scheduled in computers. So I was all like… fuck you very much. Needless to say, I was displeased. That\’s just one of many transgressions I\’ve had with this asshole since he came to darken my Circuit Shitty\’s automated sliding doorsteps….
This my friends… is one of the many reasons as to why I hate my j-o-b. But hey, who wants to be happy anyway? So I\’m going back to school. That way I can really be miserable. I found out that I suck at math. So I have to take an extra math class, and I found out that I\’m good at computers(who knew?). So I probably clep out of about three of my computer classes that I would\’ve gotten A\’s in. So I get to take classes that are gonna be a bitch, and I get to test out of classes that are easy. Ain\’t this a fuckin\’ treat. Granted, it\’s less money that I have to spend, but hey… I\’d like to at least pretend to be smart for a semester or two.
Yeah… so I\’m gonna get my networking degree, and three certifications in the process. Go me! Maybe then I\’ll feel smart. Well, if I don\’t at least I\’ll have a piece of paper that says I am. So eat shit to anyone who said I\’d be working a dead-end job and living paycheck to paycheck when I\’m 25………… um….. oh yeah… well… I guess they were right, but they can still eat shit. Because I\’m turnin\’ my life around dammit.
Besides all that… I\’ve been goin\’ to a group for the past few weeks because of my DUI that I got. It\’s called Journies, and oh boy is it a hoot. I\’m learning all about how to drink responsibly, and I pissed off all the full-blown alcoholics in there about a week ago. So things are going great there too, and if I wind up dead in a ditch somewhere here in town… I\’m sure James will find me when he does his roadkill cleanup, but just know that it was probably some alcoholic(besides James) that did me in.
Well, that’s all the “wisdom” that I’ve got to spew out for ya this time around, and, don’t worry, I’ll try and make my next one sooner, and more entertaining too. So have yourselves some fun ladies and gents….
And remember… Change can’t happen until someone shits their pants.
Welcome to another exciting update of the Better Than Miss Michigan Page. If you’ve been outside at all in the past few weeks you’d noticed that it is much colder than it was three months ago. You’ve got to love Michigan weather. In addition to cold weather, women are wearing more clothes. No more bikinis on the beach. Short shorts and tank tops are a thing of the past. The only things we have to look forward to now are snow bunnies and drunk sledding.
Ice fishing season is just around the corner. What’s more fun than sitting in an ice shanty with a few of your buds, hovering over a hole in the ice, waiting for the “big one” to strike the minnow that you meticulously placed onto your hook. Cold beer is just an arm’s reach away staying cold on the frigid lake surface. Ice fishing is not entirely about catching fish. It’s about bull shitting with friends and catching up on old times.
That’s all the time I’ve got. The women in the hot tub are calling for me. Just remember, there’s more to life than your right hand.