Archive for November 2nd, 2004:
So here we are. Have you voted today? I did. It was fun. I had the honor to vote in the same precinct as some hot 19-year old blonde. How did I know she was 19? Well, how do I say this? She left her I.D. in the booth. I should have played it cool, kept my eyes on the ballot and completed the line to the appropriate issue. You see at my polling station we didn’t have to punch our ballots we had to draw a line to complete an arrow. Don’t laugh, that shit is hard to figure out. Well back to that blonde chick. So I stop voting and give her back her I.D. Idiot! I should have continued to exercise my American right and dropped her driver’s license off at her house sometime later tonight. But no, as a matter of fact, I just thought of that. I am a fucking moron. Well, in spirit of our once every four right, lets see why you should have voted today.
1. It’s November 2nd, if you’re retarded or paralized there is no excuse, you should vote.
2. Absentee ballots are for those who are absent, like soldiers at war. Unlike your job, you can’t call in sick to your voting precinct and ask if it’s ok if your buddy can bring a ballot to you. Lazy motherfucker.
3. You may run in to a hot soccer mom. Ask her who she is voting for. If she discloses her choice agree with it (if not take a stab and hopefully you’re right!). Act like you know a shit load of important information that you just so happen to catch on CNBC after you got out of the bar last night, at 2:37 in the morning. If you tell her you are voting for the very same candidate, and you show years of knowledge and compassion beyond your age for the candidate’s bullshit, chances are you will be fucking her in her husbands minivan within a half hour.
4. Just pretend that it’s that Budweiser vs. Miller campaign. It matters just as much.
5. Speaking of beer, I love beer.
6. I didn’t see any other country voting today. USA #1
7. Michigan is a “swing” state. Get out there and try different partners, hell swap’em in your booth.
8. There are two proposal’s to vote for. Prop. 1 wants casino’s to pay for schools, or was it that Native-American’s must consume less alcohol, in gallons, than their heritage population per person per year? More moonshine Cumswiththunder!
9. Oh yeah, Prop. 2 is about same sex marriage. Well, hmmmmmm. I tell you what. If a person wants to marry a kitty-cat. Go for it. If an individual wants to fuck their dog, more power to them. I really don’t care what people do. As long as I don’t see it or hear about it it’s cool with me. And if you want to fuck your sheep and give it health insurance thats fine. If Insurance companies can fuck who ever they want to then people should fuck who they want to.
10. Kerry vs. Bush. Let’s see twins…or a broad that can dunk?
11. I would nail either of their daughters.
12. The popular vote matters.
13. Florida. They have hanging-chads, we have snow.
14. America, as a proud citizen I urge you to put down the porno mag, and the Ruffles, and vote. How many opportunities are you going to have to yell at your T.V. one week from now about red and blue colored states? That’s what I thought.