Angrymosquito.com

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Well, I guess sticking with the new theme of top 10 lists, thanks alot Stress, here come the top 10 reasons to work at the city… or at least be employed by them.

10. Cops ignore how fast you drive as long as the truck is yellow and has a bloody egg emblem on the side (if you dont know what I am referring to, look at the stupid logo real hard, you’ll get it)

9. Snow storms were once fun when you were a kid, well guess what, they are again.

8. Ebonics is easy to learn, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Equal Oppurtunity works both ways you know.

7. If you are hung over, just sleep in the truck. Why not get paid for something you paid for the other night?

6. Speaking of being hung over… why not just drink in the truck?

5. Got any personal business to take care of? Go ahead, the gas don’t cost nothin’.

4. You can easily do favors for those who live in the city limits… for beer of course.

3. Free parking… ANYWHERE!!

2. People don’t look at you funny when you pick up roadkill.

1. People also don’t look at you funny when you throw the roadkill at another city truck.

Well, there ya are, a cheap rip off of the Stress’ genius as of late… hope ya enjoyed and remember, Life in the City, ain’t pretty.

How can someone my age have so much stress in her life…? I feel like I am always thinking about something I have to do before I leave or worry about another stupid thing. I just can’t wait for it to be all done. Well today is my day off so what do me and Jenn go do…we get our noses pierced..LoL It’s so cute though..I love it! Didn’t hurt at all either because we had him use this numbing solution.
Well I now have only 11 more days of work…2 more weeks till I leave for Tenneesse for Thanksgiving..and about 3 weeks till I get back to Michigan. Cannot wait! Right now I just try to think of all the pros of just going back instead of thinking about leaving some friends here cause if you know me..you know that I can be quite emotional at times and will be a wreck when I leave.
Life isn’t really too exciting here..same old shit everyday..Drink alot though…pretty much everynight which I am going to cut back on when I get home. I will have a good job where I am going to have to get up early. A “Normal” job working a set schedule. It’s werid though because even though I stay up till 3am..sometimes 4 or 5, I still get up no later than 11:30. Usually around 10:30 which is crazy. Well I’m off to go do my laundary…fun stuff, arent ya jealous? HaHa..Take care everyone!
~Xena~ aka, Sheena

One year and five days without a hair cut. Boy am I glad that shit is over. Josh where’s my $50.

Is it just me or did Halloween royally suck this year. No real party, no sex, no strippers. Fuck I didn’t even make it to the bar. I guess it would have been better if I even tried to put a party together. Last year was the best halloween ever. I guess once you reach the top the only direction is down.

Following Stess’ little top 10 thingy I’ll give my 10 reasons not to get yer car fixed.

1. It costs money you don’t have.
2. your friends don’t mind to bring you to work in the morning.
3. You don’t have to pay $50 a week in gas.
4. Your boss understands when yer late everyday.
5. You can avoid all your friends cause in order for you to go out with them they have to pick you up.
6. You have more money for alcohol.
7. You are null and void from being DD.
8. You can sleep on the way home from the bar.
9. Ordering food is much easier when the window rolls down.
10. Mom’s car is much nicer than yours.

So here we are. Have you voted today? I did. It was fun. I had the honor to vote in the same precinct as some hot 19-year old blonde. How did I know she was 19? Well, how do I say this? She left her I.D. in the booth. I should have played it cool, kept my eyes on the ballot and completed the line to the appropriate issue. You see at my polling station we didn’t have to punch our ballots we had to draw a line to complete an arrow. Don’t laugh, that shit is hard to figure out. Well back to that blonde chick. So I stop voting and give her back her I.D. Idiot! I should have continued to exercise my American right and dropped her driver’s license off at her house sometime later tonight. But no, as a matter of fact, I just thought of that. I am a fucking moron. Well, in spirit of our once every four right, lets see why you should have voted today.
1. It’s November 2nd, if you’re retarded or paralized there is no excuse, you should vote.
2. Absentee ballots are for those who are absent, like soldiers at war. Unlike your job, you can’t call in sick to your voting precinct and ask if it’s ok if your buddy can bring a ballot to you. Lazy motherfucker.
3. You may run in to a hot soccer mom. Ask her who she is voting for. If she discloses her choice agree with it (if not take a stab and hopefully you’re right!). Act like you know a shit load of important information that you just so happen to catch on CNBC after you got out of the bar last night, at 2:37 in the morning. If you tell her you are voting for the very same candidate, and you show years of knowledge and compassion beyond your age for the candidate’s bullshit, chances are you will be fucking her in her husbands minivan within a half hour.
4. Just pretend that it’s that Budweiser vs. Miller campaign. It matters just as much.
5. Speaking of beer, I love beer.
6. I didn’t see any other country voting today. USA #1
7. Michigan is a “swing” state. Get out there and try different partners, hell swap’em in your booth.
8. There are two proposal’s to vote for. Prop. 1 wants casino’s to pay for schools, or was it that Native-American’s must consume less alcohol, in gallons, than their heritage population per person per year? More moonshine Cumswiththunder!
9. Oh yeah, Prop. 2 is about same sex marriage. Well, hmmmmmm. I tell you what. If a person wants to marry a kitty-cat. Go for it. If an individual wants to fuck their dog, more power to them. I really don’t care what people do. As long as I don’t see it or hear about it it’s cool with me. And if you want to fuck your sheep and give it health insurance thats fine. If Insurance companies can fuck who ever they want to then people should fuck who they want to.
10. Kerry vs. Bush. Let’s see twins…or a broad that can dunk?
11. I would nail either of their daughters.
12. The popular vote matters.
13. Florida. They have hanging-chads, we have snow.
14. America, as a proud citizen I urge you to put down the porno mag, and the Ruffles, and vote. How many opportunities are you going to have to yell at your T.V. one week from now about red and blue colored states? That’s what I thought.

It’s been a long time since my last update but from the looks of the oneliners, everyone has been coming back on here. Not much new here at state. We got beat by the over rated wolverines and at least made them rethink that they are a “good” team. But all else aside it was a good game, especially watching the play by play online, on your nextel phone at a wedding. Halloween was a bust, to bad we all couldn’t have been together, those are definately the memorable ones. Well hunting starts soon enough and to shoot a deer would be good due to no more worries about having to buy meat. Well not much else new.