Archive for October, 2004»
Howdy-Ho to all of my loyal fans! Thanks to all of you I can eat Ramen Noodles and buy porn on DVD rather than VHS. Wow, what a month for sports. I mean you have the 4-2 Lions, with a much improved high school quarterback in Joey Harrington at the helm the Lions are no longer the four or five win a season team, they are a six or seven win a season team. Hell, if thats not an improvement than I don’t know what is. MSU vs. U of M this weekend! Who is going to win? Who cares? Well I do you assholes! I think it’s going to be a close game. Both Michigan and MSU’s offenses have struggled this season but, as of late, they are fire. Drew Stanton is hot, and Chad Henne is going to be better than Navarre ever was. Its going to come down to defense. Michigan’s defense is one of the best in the nation, and Michigan State’s improves as the season progresses. State has their offense rolling and above all the Spartans have nothing to lose, and U of M does. STRESS’ PREDICTION: The winner of this game will win the Big Ten…This month we have also witnessed history with the Bo-Sox knocking of the regular season-best-record-holder St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. Boston brought out the brooms Wednesday night, sweeping the heavily favored Cards in four games. This is the first championship for Bean-Town since 1918. Who the fuck is alive now when that shit went down? Bob Hope? Nope that bastard died a few years back. My great-grandma was 12, but she’s dead too. Shit! Fuck gas prices in 1918 was only 6 cents a gallon. Now its up to $2.12 a gallon! Eat shit OPEC. I’m going to start making gasoline by distilling a mixture of urine, orange juice, and Pabst. Well I see that hockey is still taking a leave of absence…what was I just talking about? So the Pistons start next week. Good, like I need another reason not to get laid or get my homework done. Sunday’s are still the best sports days I have. I sit on the couch and do not leave unless I have to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom, once and awhile I play some backyard football and reminded why I retired two years ago. Well I am out of beer. 7-11 is closer than you think. For sports done right have a helluva night. Peace.
HI! What is new friends?! Nothing here, just hanging-out-with-my-wang-in. Notice I said “IN?” What is this world coming to when a fairly handsome man, like me, can’t get laid? I have compiled a small list of reasons why there is dust on my pecker.
1. School has replaced any free time I have for the babes, I have resorted to intellectual conversation with the girls on the cover of ‘Maxim’.
2. My Nextel is the size of a VCR. It lacks the technology to capture photos of naked girls in the YMCA locker room, but it can microwave popcorn like a sonovabitch.
3. Who ever sang the song “There’s somethin’ women like about a pick-up man” is full of shit.
4. Those enlargement pills cost me $39.99 plus shipping and handling.
5. “ORDER WORRY FREE! 100% PRIVACY…All packages shipped in plain brown wrapping. The mailman won’t even know what’s in the box!” Yeah maybe the mailman won’t know but she sure as hell will.
6. Friends with benefits. Who is getting all of my benefits? Is this like 401k?.
7. Because furniture polish doesn’t get the job done. Jergens, on the other hand, does.
8. It is amazing what a 12 pack can do in three hours.
9. Every broad I meet has “boyfriend” all of a sudden.
10. Considering it a date when a girl takes you to Steak and Shake at 2:30 in the morning, and she is your “DD”.
11. Thinking the waitress at Hooters likes you. But she really just wants a good tip, like a stripper.
12. Every girl likes $1.00 out-the-door Miller High Life…right?
13. Unlucky number.
14. I am out with this chick and her ex-boyfriend calls me and asks for directions to the bar we’re at. Trying to impress the lady with my uncanny ability to navigate, I offer specific back-road access to our location. Little do I realize is that I don’t fucking work for mapquest and I’m mildly retarded.
15. My computer gets STD’s from looking at internet porn.
16. The angrymosquito.com thong I wear doesn’t git-r-done.
17. Budweiser is not the proper substitute for whipped cream.
18. Ashlee Simpson has not returned any of my phone calls.
19. Girls say “I like a man in uniform” …cut the shit already. Women want a man with a ten incher and half a mil.
20. Over worked and under payed syndrome.
21. 43 seconds just ain’t doin’ it.
22. Good number to stop on.
High Heat Life. It’s where it’s at.
With all the hype about the soldiers in Iraq, I thought I would post a bulletin of suspected terrorists around the world. I’ve comprised a list and here it is.
1. M’BALZ ES’HARI
2. GRAABIR BOUBI
3. HAID D’SALAAMI
4. HOUS BIN PHARTEEN
5. I-BIN PHARTEEN
6. I-ZHEET M’DRURZ
7. SHEIF HIRBOUSH
8. AL-SUQ AKWEER
9. MUSTAF HEROD APYUR POUPR
10. AWAN AFUQYA
11. YUL STROKHEET AL-WAUCH
12. APUL MADEEK-AOUD
13. YULIQA M’DIQ
14. UWANA M’DIQ
15. USUQA M’DIQ
If you have any information regarding the above-mentioned terrorists, please contact your local hooker. Just remember, there’s more to life than your right hand!
Well boys and girls. It’s that time of year again. Time for t-bone to get sars. Yup.. I have a headache from coughing so hard and my ribs feel like they’re going to fall apart. Well besides that I’m doing allright.
I’ve been really busy lately.. I wanted to redesign the website but I haven’t gotten around to it. I like video games now more than working on websites(sorry pete)
The J O B thing is going pretty good besides the fact that I have to frive 45mins to greenville every day. The drive ain’t so bad cept I have to hold my eyelids open so I don’t fall asleep. Maybe it’s the fact that I only get 3hrs of sleep at night(video games rule!!).
3 weeks left folks.. yes three weeks before I cut my wonderful soon to be mullet. It’s been rough year and more than once wanted to cut it all off. But it will be much better with my $50 from lil skipp.. and to think.. I was going to do it for nothing till he opened his big mouth.
Well kiddies hold on to your butts cuz here comes another exciting ride on the City bus… Can a city bus ride actually be exciting? Anyways… I am back in GR and I am loving it, for the moment anyways. I found out that beer is cheaper in GR than in Flagstaff, and I can drink alot more beer in GR than I ever could before (except when I was under 21, but that doesnt count) I just want to tell everyone thank you for everything y’all hjave done for me since I’ve been back… and if I havent seen you since I’ve been back, fuck you… I don’t want to see you. I also got a really nice attitude from working in the altitude, so if you are offended by my phone ringer playing Low Rider, or tequila, or the Mexican hat dance, kiss my white ass. On that note, I need a beer and the next time I get back on here I will definately have something funny and interesting to say.
..and remember, Life in the City, ain’t pretty.
So we have another “welcome week” on our hands. Its not the MSU by any means. Its G-Rap version 7.1. I have been thinking really hard the last month and a half about what I hate the most. And I have compiled a small list for your bitchasses. Sit back and get ready to flip off the screen with me. My top 25 Reasons High Heat Life…
1. No Money = No Beer
2. No Money = No Bitches
3. GVSU and all of its wonderful homework
4. Working 40 a week and still no moola
5. Carson Daly. I get two hours a week to watch TV and for some reason he’s still on every fucking channel
6. Green Bay Packers
7. Those little fuzzies from the tree in the backyard that go all over the fucking place
8. Gas Prices
9. David Letterman’s stupid jokes
10. Empty Fridge
11. Lack of BJ’s
12. Kerry vs. Bush. Who cares. Vote Uncle Sven in 2004
13. The Lions will never win the Super Bowl before I die
14. L.A. Lakers
15. Clock-watching
16. Greedy NHL players union
17. Bill Parcels
18. Psychologically unstable Women
19. Friends that fight about stupid shit like 5 year olds
20. Joey Harrington and his “happy feet”
21. Dutch Mafia
22. Hooters got rid of 25 cent wing day
23. Beer prices at the bar. $3.75 for a bottle of beer?!
24. Shaquille O’Neal
25. Charles Roger’s and his glass collarbone
WOW…I cannot wait to be back in good ol’ Michigan…Seriously. Daytona was nice for that year and a half but definetly not where I wanna live all my life. I’ve figured that I did learn some things while living here but just doesn’t do anything for me. I met a few good people and then alot of assholes. (ask Jordan..He knows) and I really do apoligize Jordan… I kept thinking to myself…do I really wanna work in a salon here (as I look at every salon around each corner and notice that anyone can do hair here unlike Michigan where you know when you see a styliest) I would much rather live by my family and friends back home and go back to my old salon and make some awesome money doing something I really wanna do. People ask me all the time..”you wanna go back to the cold” and blah blah blah and what I tell everyone is yeah florida does have warm weather every day but I grew up in Michigan all my life and dont mind it at all. I actually LOVE all 4 seasons to be honest with you. Plus now I can actually go ride in the truck with James and see what kind of work he does in the snow. Should be pretty interesting…I would move back earlier but I already have a plane ticket to Tenneesse and back here for Thanksgiving and then my family will drive from Tenn to here and help me move my stuff back. So Im thinking i’ll be back around Nov 30th or Dec 1st. Cant wait! a month and a half more of working at that damn steakhouse. Actually not even that long..Thank God! Alright everyone take care and I’ll see you all soon. If you people even hang out anymore…
~Xena~
Welcome back, welcome back , welcome back…Here is the one and only Sports Center stickin’ in your ear…right now! Like I haven’t done enough typing tonight so here I am and there you are, doing nothing, like always. Now that James is home have him get you a beer, better yet, get him a BEER! Well my Lions are a surprising 2-1, surprising not that they’re good, but suprising that they have won two games with the same type of play that won them 4 total last year. This year I’m shooting for FIVE and that Joey Harrington be replaced mid-season with Sen. John Edwards! And what can I say about the Big Ten. It’s not going to be the Maize n’ Shit this year, sorry, and the only way the Spartans would have a chance is if, well, lets face it they suck and should move to D.C. with the Montreal Expo’s. Maybe the Boilermaker’s will win the Big Ten, then again Northwestern did beat the Fuckeyes. Over to the NHL, wait I can’t get in, looks like the door is locked, with, chains, and stuff, ASSHOLES! The greedy-bitchass players said “fuck you” to a salary cap so instead we are forced to pretend to like the Griffins again. The Bad Boys II are set to tip-off the season November 2nd. With all five starters coming back the chances of the Pistons repeating as World Champions is as good as the Lions not winning the Super Bowl this coming January. Big Ben, Sheed, Rip, Chauncey, and Tayshaun are back and its going to be an exciting NBA season. Did I just say that? What’s this world coming to? No more news the well is dry so the City of Wyoming has stepped in and offered to fill it with their 36 hour “special edition” water. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace.