Archive for April 12th, 2004:
Here I am to save the day. No, not really, but close, and soon I suppose. Sports Center is backin’ and packin’…all the way home. Next. So I try to make a spectacular return to my everyday duties as a sports reporter for the the ’skeet’ but alas that’s probably just me blowing a lot of smoke like before. This just in, ah, fuck it. The Tigers are in first place. Thats right and its not like three years ago when they started out 1-0. This years its a for-real 5-1. Way to go Tig’s. Like James and I were discussing last night over a cup of Joe the Tigers really have the attention of their fans, who I might add have seemed to be locked away in a Cambodian refugee camp for the last ten-plus years. I being one of the boat-people I am proud to say that as of four days ago I am a born-again fan of the Detroit Tigers. I even took out the ever so famous ‘18′ jersey and dusted the bitch off with a wire brush from the Coleman. So as the summer creeps up on all of us lets take a moment and pray that fall gets here even faster. As much as I heart watchin’ the Tigs I would much rather have my shitty Lions on the field trying to come back from a 28-3 half-time defict. Did I mention the John L. Smith led Spartans will win the Big Ten this year? Mark it down, Stresserdomus has spoken and it will happen. Bets can be made via the ‘Oneliners’, all major credit cards are not accepted. So how did everyone’s NCAA Final Four brackets turn out? Not good, well get in line, grab me a Bud and join the fucking crowd because I lost almost two cartons worth in the big tourney this year. AH NUTS! Well lets hope this year the Lions don’t get docked three games by drafting someone they will cut in mid-August. If you didn’t know the NFL has implimented a new rule saying that if an NFL team drafts someone they don’t need they automatically start off the year 0-3. Hey, idiots, the Lions don’t need any help to get to 0-3. They have no problem reaching that goal. Speaking of goal, soccer is for pussies, and if you have or do play soccer you are a HUGE FUCKING PUSSY! (except for Anng, girls are allowed because they have the pussy and pussy controls the world, money is second, nope thats beer, ok, then money, nope third is definately sex, but isn’t that the same as pussy? nope, way different because the term “sex” can mean several things, like: “Head” a.k.a. “a blow job” or “69ing” or as T-Bone would argue “anything that walks” a.k.a. “animals” then fourth I would say is 40’s). I love 40’s. They are cheap and come in paper bags that I reuse to put all my 40’s in. Yes! I recycle! Hopefully Curt Anes beats out Gino, err whatever that old fuckers name is, Rick, Ricky somethin’…Rick Springfield, maybe, huh, hmmmmm…”I wish that I had Jessie’s Girl, babbummp bumpbump, You know I wish I had Jessie’s Girl.” Sweet Caroline I am off my rocker and into the liquor cabinet. For Sports Done Right, Have a Helluva a NIGHT! Go get some.