Archive for February, 2004»
I hate potholes… that should be about enough to rap up this edition of Life in the City
So get this, I’m cruising around one night doing snow removal, its fun, dont let the name throw you off, and Sally fucking Struthers gets on the radio and tells me that I need to help some starving kids somewhere in Detroit or Flint or some shit. Well I’m not sure if those are the only places cuz all she said was Eastern Cities, well anyway, where the hell does Sally fucking Struthers get the nerve to tell ME i need to help someone out? I don’t even have a fuckin vehicle that works, PLUS I only had 2 dollars in my pocket and everyone knows 2 dollars doesnt go very far if you are going to the SPinning wheel for lunch. SO i diecided to call up the 1-800 number Sally fucking Struthers kept yelling out and I proceeded to tell the operator that I wanted help because I was hungry, he then told me, in his best Sally fucking Struthers impression voice, to “fuck off” and “get a life so I can see the real picture” and the dumb bastard hung up on me when I told him my dirvers license picture looker pretty real to me… Just another boring/exciting NIGHT at work… and remember Life in the City ain’t pretty
I’ve been updating the gallery little by little as some of you have noticed. One major new feature is the favorites. Well some may have noticed that you can add your own favorites but what i’ve added is a Members list where you can view everyone’s favorites. So all the photos you love add them to your favorites so others can see.
Two awesome video games came out this week. UT2004 and Painkiller.
I’m not really a game player but these two games kick ass. I’ve spend too many hours playing. They do need a moderately advanced machine to run because of the awesome graphics. Painkiller is about game as far as graphics go that i’ve seen in a long time. Basically yer some type of demonkiller er somthin. The real time physics in the game are just too cool. It’s only out as a demo right now and you can download it for free. It’s about 230 megs so be sure you have broadband. you can get it at www.painkillergame.com . The site has been flooded because of all the people downloading it.
Unreal Turnament 2004 it a great multi-player online shootem-up game. They have a couple different games within the games that you can play. I don’t quite know what they all are I’ve only played Assult. Which is basically 2 teams that have to destroy each others power cores before the other team does. It’s a little more complicated than that so I guess you’ll have to play the game for yourself. This game also is just a demo that you can download from www.unrealtournament.com
Some other news in tbone land. I got a new(used) wireless access point which allows me to get on the net while sitting in front of my tv. it’s so awesome. not more cables for me.
Welp, bed calls for me.. talk at yall later.
just for old-times-sake, here is the one, and only, Sosa…(just one, little man i guess)
Alright kiddies… I’m back to my old column. If that poses a problem for any of you. You can kiss my fat ass, and then you kiss my converse… or you can do it the other way around, but I’ll let you pick. Shit… wait a minute. Does that make me gay like my ex said I was last night? FUCK!!! I’m all confused now. I feel like a little shoolgirl at the Lilith Fair listening to Sara Maclachlan and touching myself. Wait, that’s a whole other story.
So, I’m drinkin’ some brews over at Stress’ pad. I’m enjoying myself, but HIGH HEAT LIFE is still in full effect you ignorant fucks… Oh, sorry, I mixed you a-holes up with my ex again. Yes, just like yesterday, I am still the fucking man, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not an idiot.
Yes, I’m lean(well kind of), and I’m mean… but I’m not a George Foreman grill. I’m not even black. Well, I heard about the mailman that one time with my mom, and I guess I do mean Karl Malone, but he never paid his child support. What a piece of shit. Him and Johnny Stockton should move back to Salt Lake City and tell all the mormon people that they’re gay. There’d be a witch-hunt there for sure. It’d look like Frankenstein’s birthday, or it’d just like a lynch mob. Either way… you’re fucked, and I’m still not getting any child support.
On a lighter note… my zippo still works.
Wow… that was lame, but so is one of my testicles. Wait… that’s my ex talking again. Is she here? I’m still waiting to have my ass beat. She might be man enough to take me down, but Stress is more of a woman than she’ll ever be.
Am I done yet? I bet you’re asking yourselves that right about now. All I have to say to that is… if you’re done, then I want the rest of your food. I’m a broke mother fucker you rich bastards, but I guess it all depends on what you’re done with. If you’re done with your woman… I’ll take her too. Cuz she can’t be as psycho as my ex. Trust me, it’s not possible, and I could really use a date for V-Day. If you’re done with your mom though… leave her to Timmy(thanks for that one Stress)… he still believes that women, like wine, get better with age. Yeah… he drinks more than me too. I think that has something to do with it, but, then again, what the fuck do I know…
I’m just here to “entertain” you fuckers, and, if you’re entertained by this, then you don’t get out much. Neither do I though. That’s why I’m here after all, but I won’t be here much longer. I just farted, and it’s going to kill me like a fucking gas chamber. That’s okay though, because I’m all for capital punishment. Including execution of the mentally challenged… which categorises such people as my ex and Stress. I hate to put them both in the same category, but what can you do? When you’re right, you’re really right, and when you’re wrong… you’re gay… like my ex says I am. Did I tell you that me and Stress are getting married. That’s a secret though. DON’T TELL ANYONE!!! I MEAN IT!!! I don’t want to get my ass beat in some dark alley. Well, if I was gay, maybe I would, and I would definitely fuck Tim, but since I’m not… there’s no chance of that happening. So Tim will just have to keep on his fuckfest with Dildo. And no… I don’t mean Dildo as a sex toy… I mean Dildo as in Doofy. Once again… thanks to Stress for some input. DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER YOU ASSHOLES!!!! And don’t have sex with my ex out on Division… she has V.D. I just gave her AIDS. I’m going to hell. Doesn’t that suck. Not really. Cuz I hear they have fresh donuts down there. That doesn’t really make sense, but if you watch the Simpsons… you’d know what the fuck I’m talking about… you retards. Yeah… I’m still the man.
Later fuckers… and, as I’ve ended EVERY high heat life column I’ve ever done…. remember…
Spandex is a prilege… Not a right.
WELCOME TO THE 100TH SPORTS CENTER EPISODE! Well, ok, it isn’t a “Gala-Event” like Sosa would say, but fuck it. So I haven’t been normal for much of this new year, or any year at that, but I want to start off by saying thank you for being such dedicated readers and long time Stress fans. Alright, you big babies, wipe away your tears and sit your fat asses on the floor…”Sports Center 100″ (not to be mistaken for the “Brickyard 400…that is NASCAR, and I’m not them, or it, or Billy Bob and I don’t make “love” to my mom…TIM!), well action is kncoking at your door (not to be confused with a song I once wrote while on the shitter)…Well now that football is over with it is safe to say that this column will blow chunks (not the dog) until mid July, then again the Tigers do have Pudge! Maybe they’ll break .500 this season. Maybe if I were on the team. Wait, i was, for that brief moment at Fifth-Third Ballpark I signed autographs for 500 kids and their parents,(ruined a 34-year old dudes authentic White Caps jersey…my bad) all because they “thought” I was a minor-league pitcher with the Mud Hens (that’s the Tigers triple “A” ball club in Toledo, OH…you stupid shit). So now that I have my 100th installment out there. For sports done right, have 100 more helluva night(s), etc.
Okay kids… I’ve got a fucking wonderful story for you tonight. Oh yes… It’s just grand.
Keep in mind… I just got home from the bar… So I apologize in advance for the bad grammar and spelling if any…
So yeah…
I went to Tiki Bob’s tonight and had a blast. The best part though… and Shada… I apologize in advance for this one… I walk in the door, order a beer, and I see Sarah just hangin’ out with one of her friends. So I hang out with them for about a half hour to an hour or so… Then my ex shows up. I totally forgot that that Thursdays, on the week when she doesn’t have her kid, are the night she goes out to fucking Tiki Bob’s.
So I’m hanging out with Sarah… She goes to the bar to get a drink. My ex is kind enough to say some shit to Sarah about why she’s hanging out with me and that I’m gay and shit…
Then, after that, my ex comes up to me and tells me that I should leave. After all, her brother and her cousin are there, and they wouldn’t be happy seeing me “hit on” some other “slut”. Yeah… that’s what she called John’s woman. I was pretty pissed about that and told her to fuck off. Then, I see her brother and her cousin. They were happy as shit to see me. Turns out that they don’t have any problems with me at all, and they were happy as hell to see me for a change.
Yeah… that was cool. Why? Because it, once again, proves that my ex is a total fucking retard. Yee haw.
Anyway… Sarah comes up to me after the “exchange” and tells me what she said to her. All Sarah said back to her was that she was sorry, and that I was nice, and I was her boyfriend’s friend so she thought it would be cool to hang out with me. Now isn’t that just fucking wrong or what?
Hah!!! Yeah fucking right…
So, a little later, a few of my friends from Circuit City showed up. Now I didn’t plan jack shit tonight… So this was all good in my book.
I hang out with them for a while, and, the whole time, my ex is out on the dance floor throwing herself at different guys trying to make me jealous. Now that was just fucking funny as shit, especially when some of them turned her down. Once again, keep in mind, I am the fucking man. I am Sosa… hear me fucking roar. Rawr… or Nyaaaaar… whichever works best.
So then I’m hangin’ out with my ex’s cousin for a while. She walks right up to him and asks to use his cell to call some guy or something. He gives it to her, and then he says right to me, after she leaves, that he thinks it’s total bull shit for her to do that right in front of me to try and make me jealous. I told him that I don’t even fucking care anymore, and he just laughed and told me that was cool.
So, I guess the moral of the story is… My ex is a fucking retarded bitch. She tried to start shit with one of my best friend’s girls… She talked shit to me… and she was even kind enough to make a retard out of herself trying to make me jealous.
I don’t know if she even remembers that I have a column on this website, but, if she does…. Carmen… you’re a fucking idiot girl. Nothing personal, but lay off my friends. You’re just making yourself look stupid.
So yeah… that was fun. Check ya later kids. For more adventures in Sosa-land… check back in a few days for another version of…
It’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
The uni-can has spoken… fuckers.
Lata.
Once again it’s time for the show that never ends, but sometimes you wish it would…
And, for those of you that wish this… I have but one thing to say…
Fuck you.
Anyway, prepare yourselves for yet another jarring installment of it’s Sooooooooooo reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaal… or something like that.
Now I don’t want to sound all crazy here or anything like that, but where in the hell has everyone been? I know… I know… I’m one of the LAST people on the face of this fucking website that should be saying that. After all, I pulled the best fucking Houdini act since that lunatic was alive… whenever that was. Ah shit, I’m getting off track again.
Okay… focus…
I know I left a lot of you guys high and dry. I also know that I had at least some of your support for doing it like that. Those people shall remain nameless, but you know who you are. To the people that didn’t support me… I don’t blame you one bit. Not anymore at least. I was wrong. My friends are, were, and always will be some of the most important people in my life. I had a hell of a way of showing it too back then, but that’s just it… it’s back then.
I know I can say it’ll never happen again, and I also get the fact that you guys will more than likely never believe it until that statement is battle tested. Once again, I can’t blame you, but shit happens…
Now I’m not asking for much at all. I never thought that I’d have to ask, but that’s how much you guys mean to me. Would it kill ya to just call me once in a while or something? The only person I’ve talked to in the last week has been Skippy, and even that was last Saturday. I know you guys are busy and shit… hell, I am too, but that never stopped us all from being able to get together at least once every week or two.
Come on kiddies… it’s time to rally the fucking troops here. I know I’m almost always broke, and that makes a bar night tough. Well slap my ass and call me Charlie… cuz I don’t give a fuck anymore. The old Sosa’s back in business, and NO FUCKIN’ JIMMY DOIN’!!!! HIGH HEAT BASEBALL ‘99 IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN’ REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!! Nyyyyaaaaar and all that shit too.
Let’s get this chuck wagon rollin’. I don’t care if it’s NTN trivia, a beer and a hockey game, or just gettin’ tanked for the hell of it. That’s right boys and girls… I’m callin’ out each and every single stinkin’ one of ya… from the lightest of the lightweights to the drunkest of the drunks.
If you’re up for it, that’s great… If you’re not… then you’re not. It’s no skin off my ass.
Saturday night… I’ll let you guys pick the place. I work ’til ten, but I’ll be there.
The ball’s in your court now.
The uni-can has spoken….
I must have been crazy to think that I might actually be close to done with school. This weekend I took the entrance exam for graduate school, and now I’m applying. Does the insanity ever end? Okay, okay, enough ranting and raving. I haven’t seen a lot of you in a long time, so I’m interested in finding out what the plans for Friday night are…any takers? I need to get and have a little fun. Give me a call if you are interested. Love you all!
Well, its been almost 3 months already since I’ve updated..Sorry. Well it was nice to come back home to the warm but when I was looking at those pictures of James snow blowing it made me jealous. Sometimes its nice to have snow for a week or so and then be warm. OH well. Well I went out and got myself a little kitten..Yeah yeah I know, but hes the cutest thing in the world and is very spoiled..His name is Oscar. Lindsay and my cousin are coming down here the first week in March..very excited about that but I had to warn them that its “Bike Week” then so that will be interesting for them. Right now we have “Race Week” so its been pretty crazy around Daytona. Sorry this isnt the greatest column i’ve written but i’ve got alot of errands to run. Take Care!
~Xena~ (aka, Sheena)