Angrymosquito.com

son of a bitch. i just want to say that you can kiss my ass, lick my balls, and make me breakfast…cause i am hungry for your love. i need a friend, one that will be at my poker games, and lend my fifty-bucks when i am in a pinch and the russian guy sitting across from me just got off of his cellular phone…next thing you know i am out in the alley with a mild concusion and a bottle of jack…fuck your mom and make me some eggs.

Alright you motherfuckers, I know, I know, I haven’t added anything in what seems to be seconds, but for the sake of the “dot-com” we’ll say “days”…easy money my friends. So how is everyone doing this holiday season? Good I hope, or at least that you’re getting laid cause I’m not. Assholes. Well the sports world has gone to hell in a handbasket since the last time I have talked with you. The Cubs, unfortunately, didn’t win (some “goat curse”), the Marlins did win, the Lions will draft in the sixth spot in this years NFL Draft in April (way down from the last two years), and the Red Wings are sucking ass, either that or the NHL season is way too long to the point that I don’t give a fuck. Well, if all is good why fuck it up? I say piss on that. Sorry for my Spartans (wait ’till the March Madness baby), and you Maze and Blue-Buttfuckers will be sorry come Hungover Day…Skippodomus say USC 27, U of M 13…silly Wolverines, you thought you had some fucking shot at winning the National Championship…Jesus Christ, take your head out of Jim Harbaugh’s ass for two seconds and see that your team is as good as the ‘99 Disney on Ice All-Stars. Losers. GO GREEN! GO WHITE! For sports done right, have a helluva night. Beer.

Well everyone…another semester gone by at good ol’ MSU. This term has been a different one for me. Different in good ways as well as bad. Things have really changed with me, and I think I’ve really grown up. Scary to think..”ann-G?…grow up?”…but this semester was a rough one and I had to be discipled and buckle down to get the worst grades of my college career, and suprisingly now that I look back, I’m actually proud. ok ok…this article is really corny and sentimental, but I think its the holiday mood that I’m in..and I’ve just evaluated the relationships I have in my life and I truly value the friendships I’ve made through the years. I can’t wait to hang with you guys in the coming weeks, whenever we hang out..a good time is had by all (well…at least by me). alright alright alright alright…enough sappy stuff…I love you guys and have a great holiday!

I’m too lazy to write my own stuff, so you get this instead!
Linds

WHAT DRUNK PEOPLE REALLY MEAN

“You get this one, next round is on me.”
We won’t be here long enough to get another round.

“I’ll get this one, next one is on you.”
Happy hour is about to end… drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.

“Hey, where is that friend of yours?”
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

(Female) “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel please?”
I’m easy.

(Male) “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel please?”
I’m gay.

(Male to Female) “Ever try a body shot?”
I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

(Female to Male) “Ever try a body shot?”
If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to you on the ride home?

(Female) “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.”
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

(Male) “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.”
I’m horny.

“Who’s got the next round?”
I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

(Male to Male) “Excuse me.”
Get the hell out of the way.

(Male to Female) “Excuse me.”
I am going to grope you now.

(Female to Male) “Excuse me.”
Don’t even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.

(Female to Female) “Excuse me.”
Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don’t think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a whore… get your eyes off of my man, or I’ll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.

“What do you have on tap?”
What’s cheap?

(Male) “Can I have a white russian?”
I’m really gay.

(Female) “Can I have a white russian?”
I’m really easy.

“That person looks really familiar.”
Did I sleep with him/her?

(Female) “Can I just get a glass of water?”
I’m annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.

(Female) “I don’t have my ID on me.”
I’m 19.

(Male) “I don’t have my ID on me.”
I don’t have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here