Archive for March 31st, 2003:
Shit, my life is cool. I don’t needs to be writin’ anyting in dis column. Ok, maybe I do. Tonight was filled with homework and a cancelled class, that was good, unless you like having class, then its bad. Sosa and da Cubbies won tonight. “Its soooooooo reeeeeealll!” You tell’em Sammy. Speaking of Sosa, did ya hear he lost his job (not the baseball playa, the MIA dude that usedtacould write this column)? Yeah, who cares. Lets see what else sucks, everything. I need a car, a car needs me, and I have money to need a car. What gives? Jimmy Doin’ is on 1st shift again. That’s bad. Now I have to see him more often, its bad enough when T-Bone strolls on over at 11:30 at night when I am sitting around in my boxer shorts with my Coke-bottles on. Christ you all should know by now that between 11 and midnight I like to masterbate. Gotta punch the clown before I go to bed. So if you’re going to stop in come by around 7 pm when I am at school. Thats all for now, I hope your life sucks, then we’ll be even … asshole.
HEY! Whats new assholes? Lets see here, where to being this busy day in sports? God damn it lets go right for the throat. Opening Day, MBL-style. How about ‘dem Tigers. “The Roar of ‘84″ … Get the fuck outta town. I never thought the day would come that the Whitecaps would be able to beat the Tig’s 9 games out of 10. Ok, yes I did. As a matter of fact I have felt that way ever since Cecil Fielder hit 51 homeruns back in 1990 (the ‘Caps didn’t even exist until 1994). The good news is that Dave Dumb-broski somehow blackmailed Alan Trammell, Lance Parish, and Kirk Gibson into dustin’ off their jersey’s and making a comeback tour that rivals Bon Jovi. The only difference there is Johnny and his boys would get 80,000 into Comerica whereas Tram, and Gibby will be lucky to crack 80,000 by the All-Star Break. Whew! Enough about the shitty Tig’s, oh yeah they lost 3-1 to the Twins … CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! I know you fucks probably didn’t see the 15-2 ass-whoppin’ the Cubbies put on the Mets this afternoon. For all of you can’t-get-football-off-of-my-mind types thats two touchdowns, an extra point, and a two point conversion, to a safety. I know I’ll be headin’ down to Wrigley far more often than I’ll be grillin’ out next to in the alley next to the Hockey Town Cafe. Ahhh, now to the NCAA Final Four. As you may know the Spartans aren’t in the Final Four. FUCK! THEY’RE NOT?! Anyhow this is how the bracket breaks down for this Saturday’s action in ‘Nawlins … Texas vs. Syracuse and Marquette (not a school in Michigan, fuckin’ idiots) vs. Kansas. Back to the MSU issue, what the fuck is up with the favoritism towards the Longhorns? The refs called a foul on State everytime they breathed on homosexual Texas player. And the basic home game for the ‘Horns? Maybe there should be a more centralized playing field in the future. Like no team that is from the south should be allowed to play in the south bracket. Bullshit is all I say. Ok enough crying. Over to the NFL (Not For Long). The Lions signed no one today, big suprise huh? NHL news … Wings won 2-0 over the Preditors from Nashville. Too tired to go on. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace