Archive for October 27th, 2002:
Hello to the many adoring fans who I know have missed me in my long absence from my column writing ……..and to those who might be new to reading my great literal works…….shit is about to get crazy up in this mother fucker……….i have on great new thing to talk about on this wonderful October evening…….the topic I am going to tackle is underage drinking, something I have tackled in the past, but was brought to me in a new light in light of some recent events that have taken place in the past few days……..as always, I won’t attack an individual (Xena), but I will just talk about the problem in general……I will now iuntroduce to you…..my theory of “Survival of the Fittest in Drinking”…..say for instance…..you and a bunch of your buddies were going out to a big party on a friday night……..just for the sake of this party having a purpose, we will call it a Halloween Bash………as usual, you were probably pre drinking to get a little head start on the competition…..you got your DD and you are ready to roll…….you get the party and you pretty much get separated because it is really big and you are all having fun……your DD gets really boired with being sober, so he/she decides “Hey, I can have a couple of drinks and then wait a while and sober up to drive home”……this is where my theory comes into play……you should never have the DD be the lowest animalk on the sobriety food chain so to speak…….or you might end up running into some problems……For instance this “alcohol weakling” could have more drinks than he/she could handle without you knowing it and end up getting really sick all over everything…..Also, this presents another problem…….now, you and your buddies are all wasted and your DD is passed looking like he/she is almost comatose…….now, you are all pretty much fucked and you have to try to first, get your DD some help or sober again, and now you have to fuck another person over becfause they have to come get your drunk asses and haul around what I like to call “the weakling” of your drinking party who might still be puking his/her guts out…..my advice to anyone in the future would be to :
1.Find a DD that has at least a little will power……
2.Find a DD that could handle maybe even a couple drinks…..
3.And last, but not least a male would be a good suggestion, someone who canm actuall handle themselves and not make a total ass of themself.
that is it…….The Word of the the Dildo…….you don’t like it, don’t read it…….thanks to the person(s) that gave me the inspiration to write this column…..and remember …..control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered….if all else fails be a prick…..
-Dildo