Archive for October, 2002»
What the hell is going on? Lots and lots of bullshit I would assume. Right, right. Well the world of sports is why I am here, yeah. As all may know the Lions are at it again. Losing that is, and doing so well. Lets just pray that they can get over that two game bullshit. So the NBA is in full swing, oh wait, who gives a shit. Hopefully the Pistons can show off to the world that they deserve to play in Ireland. Where the fuck did that come from? I have inhailed way too much nail polish remover. WOW!!! Lets see here can I be funny tonight…NO. I’m outta here.
Hello to the many adoring fans who I know have missed me in my long absence from my column writing ……..and to those who might be new to reading my great literal works…….shit is about to get crazy up in this mother fucker……….i have on great new thing to talk about on this wonderful October evening…….the topic I am going to tackle is underage drinking, something I have tackled in the past, but was brought to me in a new light in light of some recent events that have taken place in the past few days……..as always, I won’t attack an individual (Xena), but I will just talk about the problem in general……I will now iuntroduce to you…..my theory of “Survival of the Fittest in Drinking”…..say for instance…..you and a bunch of your buddies were going out to a big party on a friday night……..just for the sake of this party having a purpose, we will call it a Halloween Bash………as usual, you were probably pre drinking to get a little head start on the competition…..you got your DD and you are ready to roll…….you get the party and you pretty much get separated because it is really big and you are all having fun……your DD gets really boired with being sober, so he/she decides “Hey, I can have a couple of drinks and then wait a while and sober up to drive home”……this is where my theory comes into play……you should never have the DD be the lowest animalk on the sobriety food chain so to speak…….or you might end up running into some problems……For instance this “alcohol weakling” could have more drinks than he/she could handle without you knowing it and end up getting really sick all over everything…..Also, this presents another problem…….now, you and your buddies are all wasted and your DD is passed looking like he/she is almost comatose…….now, you are all pretty much fucked and you have to try to first, get your DD some help or sober again, and now you have to fuck another person over becfause they have to come get your drunk asses and haul around what I like to call “the weakling” of your drinking party who might still be puking his/her guts out…..my advice to anyone in the future would be to :
1.Find a DD that has at least a little will power……
2.Find a DD that could handle maybe even a couple drinks…..
3.And last, but not least a male would be a good suggestion, someone who canm actuall handle themselves and not make a total ass of themself.
that is it…….The Word of the the Dildo…….you don’t like it, don’t read it…….thanks to the person(s) that gave me the inspiration to write this column…..and remember …..control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered….if all else fails be a prick…..
-Dildo
Hi ya’ll, ok that was my Shada impression. Did it suck? yeah I bet it did. I am working right now @ WOCR. This station blows Chunks, no not the dog named Chunks, ok, him too. So sports, hmmmm. When I think of sports I think of the Lions, hey they kinda go hand in hand right? Well I am pleased to report that they have tied their record from last year so it can’t get any worse. Well, maybe, they do have Smarty at the helm. So how about dem Angels? They good I know. Shit. Well I must be gettin back to some bis-ness. For sports done right have a helluva night. Peace.
Hey…this is the skank speakin! i didn’t realize my partner in crime had recently made an update…that’s my hoe! things have been super crazy round these parts. i have decided to travel to london, england for 6 weeks this summer and then travel for 2 weeks afterward. it should be an awesome time…for any of you that would like to can come travel with me for those last couple weeks and do some sight-seeing, just start saving your pretty pennies (i hope i spelled that right!) speaking of pretty pennies, if any of you would like to donate your pop….or in most of your cases beer bottles and cans to the SKANKS TO ENGLAND FUND please save them and i will pick them up at a later date…any help would be greatly appreciated and cause for a little gift when i return…..other than that i’ve been changing my work ethic and crackin down on the books…unlike my counterpart….well….i have a large math test tomorrow…but i love ya all! SKANK
hey all…couldn’t be a skank n’ hoe update with out me bein drunk..lol..remember the sPARTY column??? never a sober moent….ya..I”m sittin here waitin for everyone to get home…and I”m drunk already shiiiiiit..lol…alone ..ya i”m wa wastedoid but been a gma lately cuz school has been kickin my ass…I’ve changed my school mentality …as long as I bas..andget some sort of degree..I dont feuckin care;…f’real..its all good…homecomin weeend…missed the parades…too cold..so I drank some beers in stead….oh ..ya..cna’t beat that…watche d fireworks..now gin to just drink some more of my problesm awsay..nad tyr and ahve sume fun in the process..sorry for bein a depressing gma bitch latley all..but it comes with the territy now ahdn then..I stress out..oh well..life goes on..right?? well.hope eveyorne is havina good wekend..and tgalk to lata …love and miss ya all….HOE! 
Alright, I’m back with a motherfucking vengence… This is great. I love my job now. Pave to live, live to pave. So, you guys miss me? I know you did. Well, went dura-patchin yesterday and today… wow… how interesting is that? Sit in a truck and listen to honking, fun. I get to plow this winter, yeah… that’ll be nice, about 2 packs of smokes, 3 gallons of coffee and im gonna be all set, I dont know what else to write, so yeah, bye.
Whassup fuckers?! God if ya didn’t already know turn your head and cough…So on to some sports news. Who likes baseball, raise your hand…ah who gives a shit, I knew that would be the concensus here. Give me a Budweiser. If you have been living under a rock for the last week or so you all know that Ernie Harwell the voice of the Detroit Tigers for the past 40 years or so retired following the Tig’s shitty season. I know I’ll miss his raspy-Jim Beam ladden voice. “Two for the price of one.” Godspeed my son. Well the Lions lost their bye week, again. That makes an NFL record fifty-eight in a row. Losers. I hope all is good back in GR, I wish I was there to enjoy everyone’s mass boring-ness, yeah, whatever Skippy. I know O.C. is that much better. Its time to get the fuck out before I burn this joint down. For sports done right, have a helluva night. Peace
But seriously….do you ever have one of those weekends when you know that something is going to happen? Even if you don’t know anything else about it like where it is going to happen, when it is going to happen, or what is going to happen? ME TOO! In fact it was this past weekend….after all when the folks go away the kiddies like to play….and oh did we play. So my dumbass brother decides…..hmmmmmmm…. I think I am going to invite over my closet 100 friends (okay, okay,…..well maybe it wasn’t 100, but if you were woken up at 4:30am with a hangover to fuckin kids you would think it was that many too!) I was planning on being the “adult” of the night, but all that changed when Rueban aka Dunphy came over to watch GVSU crush Hilldale. And we all know him….when is he NOT trying to get trashed. Well, we had a couple beers, and got my brother and his friends going….and of course Dunphy’s accomplishment of the night was getting high school girls to take their clothes off…..THE WHORES! so we head out to GV for some after game parties…..we didn’t find any…..all i did was find more beer and old friends…..yes…the rumor is true….one of my friends from high school was there…. good ole Shane Rawlings….damn i hadn’t seen that kid in a long time! The details of the night are rather blurry after that….i think i stumbled back to the car…and I might have had something to eat then passed out. but i do remember waking up like a million times to a drunk house of high schoolers….and yelled a few threatening words to them….you know me…always the skanky bitch! hahaha…but from what i can remember the night was good….but any details then you may want to talk to Zobro or Dunphy……
…aight..now that you heard from skank..here’s hoe comin’ at ya…ya..my life is kinda uneventful..just been crazy busy lately..but I dont even know doin what…omg…classes are hardcore kickin my ass…since she told ya about her weekend..I’ll tell ya about mine..well..friday I failed an exam…what a better excuse to get drunk..so..I did it up..scubba steve adn big toms house..but had to pre party with stubert at thetha chi first..wasn’t anything too exciting..just some good busch light..and it was fun…but little too much..cuz didnt make it to the game saturday…jon and I watched Legands of the Fall instead while we slowing recoverd from shittay ass hangovers…saturday..got even more fucked up…went party hoppin with stubert..and I dunno…kinda drunk like skank..couldnt make it home..passed the fuck out on stus couch…sunday..worked..and pulled an allnighter to write a lab report..still tryin to recover from my sleep deprivation..sorry..its a boring one..my life is not that thrilling…but I’ll be in gr this weekend…so hope to talk to ya soon!!!