Archive for April, 2002»
Alrighty, its Skippy backin’ that thang up. Right about now…Well it been awhile, yup exams are jst about over. So yeah, I thought I would write some. Well we can all breath a bit easier now that the Wings blew past the Canucks winning the last four games to take the series 4-2. bring on the fuckin’ Blues baby. Lets just hope the Wings can spare us the nervous breakdown and take this one in four games. GO WINGS! Lets keep our shit in Detroit and talk about the Pistons. Who I might add are starting to look like the team they’ve been for the past ten years…shitty. So maybe this new breed of Bad Boys can pull their heads outta their asses and get past this low-life, over rated Raptors team. Don’t get me wrong Toronto is an awesome city, but the only thing they got goin’ for them is the Brass Rail. Oh, and that cab driver, he was fuckin’ cool. So what else should I talk about? Everyone knows that the Tigers are one step closer to triple A, and I’ll be damned ifI have to report anymore on the Lions until mid-August. Goddamn it. I am gettin’ this close to giving up on those sonsabitches. Well there you have it another great edition of Sports Center. For sports done right, have a helluva night.
A correction note on my last post, if you bothered to read it, is that the “over $5 in the budget” is supposed to be over $5 million in the budget, but im sure no one has read this so it doesnt matter. Right now i’ve been working outside (YEAH!) getting all the cars ready for the auction, so if you want an old cop car that runs like shit, CMON DOWN! If you want a big ass f**king dump-truck, CMON DOWN! But if you want a nice piece of equipment that will actually run well and do the job right, you’ll be looking in the wrong place, and also, if you read this I would love some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism back at any time. (I just wanna know if people are reading this) So hit me up at Elwood7171@hotmail.com. As another day passes, remember this, life in the city ain’t pretty…
Wow its been awhile since I’ve said much. But now I see that things have to be “clean.” Whats up with that? Did the FCC crack down on you Timmay? Howabout an explaination here. Half the reason my article was any good was because I could tell it like it is. I guess that is no more. I am pissed. Tigers are 0-11. I don’t think I want to write anymore if I can’t express my thoughts fully. Thanks for understanding. Goodbye…for now…I hope.
Alright suckaz… He’s back… he’s pissed… and it’s time for a new fuggin’ High Heat Life comin’ from the one and only… ya know him… ya love him…. Sosa. Okay, where in the hell do I begin? Oh… I know. How about with that piece of shit rat-bagger from across the big-blue sea. That’s right… I’m talkin’ about Rachid. Carmen’s soon-to-be ex husband. No… actually, while I’m on that thought… I’ll stop right here and say something else. Something that kinda urked me a little bit. Now I’m not mad… so don’t take it like I am, and I’m leavin’ the name out of it, but you will know who you are once I mention what I have to say. This is just a constructive criticism at the harshest… but I still don’t think it should be taken badly because it’s comin’ from my heart… and that’s the truth. I was tellin’ one of my buddies here about the whole situation that happened a few days ago(don’t worry, I’ll explain it all in a few). I told him everything about what happened, and I was really hopin’ for some support, or a “hey, that’s really shitty man” or some shit like that. What did I get though? None of the above. I got a, “Well, you never told me she was married dude.” Okay… now why in the hell, for starters, does that need to be common knowledge? If I want everyone to know… I’ll tell em. I didn’t think that it was that necessary for every little detail about my relationship to be out in the wide open. Once again… not mad… don’t take it like I am. For the one who this is directed at… I’ve got nothin’ but love for ya bro… so don’t get pissed about this, and for God’s sake don’t ever criticize me like that again when I’m goin’ through that much shit. You’re a good friend man… a really good one… one of the best in fact… But that REALLY cut me down when that was all you had to say to me about it. I mean… you almost made it sound like that if you had known this “most important” piece of information that it wouldn’t have happened or somethin’ like that. That hurt… a lot. I’m over it now… but it didn’t feel good at all.
Okay… now back to the fun stuff. A few days ago this prick Rachid came to Carmen’s place and tried kickin’ her door down tryin’ to get to us. I was gonna go out there and deal with it right then and there, but she asked me not to. So I stayed put like a good little Sosa. She then threatened to call the police and he took off, but WAIT!!!! THERE’S MORE!!! So I’m smokin’ by her balcony, and I’ve got a really bad feelin’ that this fag’s gonna come back. Low and behold… about twenty minutes later there he is… He stops right behind my car and opens his trunk. That’s when I ran downstairs to face him. I walked out the door, and as soon as he saw me he ran at me and swung. This ignorant little fuck can’t fight for shit, and he’s like five-foot nothin’ and he swung OVER my head. So we struggled and all that good shit. All I did was protect myself. I can’t believe I didn’t snap and just destroy that little bastard right then and there, but somethin’ held me back. So I kept him off me the whole time. He never hit me once. Not even once. Then he backed away from me and went toward his car askin’ me if I wanted to die… he opened his trunk and pulled out a long white pole. By that time I was in Carmen’s apartment complex’s main door and I was holding it closed. He ran up to the door, and then he stopped, turned around, and ran back to his car and took off. About five or ten minutes later the police showed up, and it was right after he took off that I noticed he threw a huge rock through my rear windshield of my car. It shattered the whole thing.
So what’s next you might ask? Will I ever see him again? Will he ever try anything else? I don’t know. Let him for all I care. I know now more than ever before how much I care about Carmen, and I’m more worried about her safety than my own. Soon I’ll be gettin’ in touch with the INS just to see what, if any, legal ramifications there are concerning him, breaking the law, and what effect that might have on his non-permanent residency here in our great country. Other than that… there’s the handy-dandy restraining order that will be in effect soon and all that happy horse shit as well. I’m not scared of what happens to me anymore. If it’s my time… It’s gonna be my time whether I want it to be or not. Should anything bad ever happen to me I want you guys to know just how much you all mean to me. Each and every single one of you. Yes… even you dildo. You guys are all my friends, and you’re some of the best I’ve ever had. Yes… even you dildo. Whatever you think of me… think it all you want. I’m just lettin’ all this shit out into the great wide open so I don’t leave anything unsaid should anything ever happen. From that day on I’ve been tryin’ to live every day like it’s gonna be my last, and if there’s any drama at all goin’ on between me and ANY of you right now… speak now… or forever hold your piece. Cuz I’m shootin’ for a clean slate with everyone. This is as real as I get kids. I don’t hit the line any harder than this. Think whatever ya will of me…. support me… don’t support me… whatever you want. I’ve said my piece already. If any of you have anything to say to me… then you know where to find me. ‘Til then… peace out suckaz…
Well, the man is back up in this mother fucker….coming at you at the end of a big event and on the day of another……yesterday was my 21st birthday and a blast, thanks to everyone who came out….and also today is an anniversary with a very special (and lucky as far as I am concerned) girl out there who means the world to me…..but enough of this lovey dovey shit before I puke…….Thanks to the anonymous texan fucker out there who decided that I was gonna puke last night and actually made five bucks off it…..thanx to my first and last shot of 151 ever……..on to the meaty shit…. we are bringing a blast from the past with and advice column……
Dear Dildo,
I have been talking to a female online for like 6 months now and we have really bonded and she lives fairly close to me….i am a 26/m and she is a beautiful blode who plays tennis and looks like a supermodel…….She told me she would like to meet me……but, she is asking for my credit card so she can take the train to see me…..I have a great feeling that this maye be the one forn me…..I think I am in love…..What do you suggest that I do?
-Lustful in L.A.
Dear Lustful,
I don’t even know where to start with your dumb ass…First of all, if you have time to sit and talk to this chick for 6 months straight every night, you are probably too much of a loser for me to even help….but Dildo will give you a little something…..This “beautiful blonde tennis player” you are talking to online is most likely a 50 year old fat man who types with one hand while chatting with you…..”she ” would probably like to do more than meet you….I am thinking somewhere along the lines that this old man wants to ride on your hershey highway…..That is if this person isn’t really a chick and trying to scam your dumb ass….From how stupid I can already tell you are, you will probably just ignore what I say and end up with a sore ass or a maxed out credit card….but, either way, people as stupid as you should be shot by firing squad….thanks for the letter…and remember, control the kid population…have your kids spayed or neutered…if all else fails…be a prick
-The Prickmaster, Dildo
Well, I towed a dump truck in. The front wheels of the wrecker were off the ground. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t steer, I could hardly get the damn dump truck off the ground… but our boss says that our 15 year old wrecker does the job just fine and we don’t need a new one… yet we have over $5 in the budget THAT WE DONT SPEND!!!!!
Look what we have here folks. Its Sports Center back in’ that ass up. Right now. Well lets see what I can waste my time on tonight. Not saying ya’ll (that ones for Shada) don’t read this shit. Jumpin’ to the NBA (thats professionl basketball for all of you fuckin’ morons). More good news pumpin’ from Motown. The Pistons clinched the Central division title last night with a 105-99 win over the Alanta Hawks. Pistons head coach Rick Carlisle said ” Can you believe this shit, these motherfuckers ain’t won in forever man, I hate the Wolverines!” You go Ricky. Player of the game went to center Zeljko Rebraca who finished with 18 points and 13 boards. High scorer for the game was guard Chucky Atkins with 20 points. Get your Piston playoff tickets now at www.detroitpistons.com. Over to somethin’ else…Don’t forget about the Rampage who kickoff their 2002 home season on April 20th against the Detroit Drive, er, Fury. Go out and cheer onyour 2001 AFL champs. Tickets are goin’ fast. Lets do some binge drinking and stumble over to Comerica Park. Ah the Tigers. They managed to fire everyone but the players. Idiots. The only one worth keeping is Higgy. Barry Bonds has more homeruns than the Tigers. Nice. Fuckin’ Losers! Down to Arlington where pitcher John “Racist” Rocker blew his first save tonight. Maybe the Rangers should take some of that quarter billion dollars they pay A-Rod and buy a new team. Hell with that kinda money they could afford the Twins, Tigers, Angels, and the City of Montreal, combined. Yes, the Tigers are 0-7. Off to their worse start since 1920 or some shit. After what I have seen over the last 15 years thats kinda hard to believe. Look on the bright side the Tigers are probably good enough to play for the Yankees Double A club. Even thats pushin’ it. Alright time to see if anyone reads this column. CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT! Who ever can guess correctly the Lions first pick in the April 20th NFL Draft gets, you guessed it, five bucks. Fuck you, I’m broke. Ok assholes post your predictions on the on liners or on whatever Timmay comes up with. Well its been soooooooo reeeeeeaaaal. For sports dones right, have a helluva night.
Hello people its me. Whassup?! First to th NFL. Lets all jump on the Joey Harrington band wagon. SCREW THE LIONS! Why must they pick a QB? Because they want another Chuck Long. Fuck it. Anyway baseball news. I was at Wrigley Field today and it rained like a sonaovabitch. So thre ws no game. But I did manage to get “L” lag. Four hours of smelly Chi-town people. Word to th wise. DO NOT fall asleep on the train. I can still taste the piss. Ahhhh…Ok, now time to be serious or sometin. Tigers are 0-6. Is anyone suprised? I had’em winnin’ the series baby. The Pistons need a “W” tomorrow agaist the Hawks to clinch their first Central Divison title in ten years. Thats awesome. Ken Griffey is startin’ out the same way he left last year. Hurt. 3-6 weeks worth. Ok, I have runoutta ideas at this time so I will go in peace. For sports done right, have a helluva night.