Archive for March, 2002»
Hello, and welcome once again to yet another edition of Sports Center. Lets get shitty right off the bat here. What the fuck is goin’ on in East Lansing? Looks like another Spartan is gonna fuck us. My ass is still sore from Richardson and Randolph. Jesus Christ. I can’t take this anymore, I wish the brilliant minds runnin’ the NCAA program would come up with somethin’ to put a stop to leavin’ early. Yeah right, these are the same assholes that believe the BCS is the “best way to go” as far as football is concerned. Well at least we have the Pistons to cheer on. Yes I said Pistons, and no its not 1989. The crazy fucks are have first place locked up in the Central division. Lets all jump on the bandwagon. One, two, three…nevermind. The Bad Boys part deux took on the Pacers tonight and whooped their ass (several times) 96-77. Midway through the third quarter Pistons forward Corliss Williamson thought it would be awesome to go Shanahan on the Pacers Jermaine O’Neal ass. Both players were ejected. On a sunny note the Tigers are 15-12 in the Grapefruit League. Thank God their losing. I think they finally realized that Spring Training doesn’t count. Save the winning for the regular season boys. Speaking of losing, someone should give Matt Millen a call and tell him that preseason doesn’t count before its too late. Now that we’re here lets talk about the Pussy Cats, er, Lions. Well they fucked up again (whats new) and signed Germaine Crowell Tuesday. So much for reaching that “realistic” goal of yours Marty. Oh yeah, Cornerback Bryant “pass-interference” Westbrook signed with the Cowboys. From one winning team to another, what is your secret Bryant? How do you do it? More Lions news…With the draft about a month away the Lions have made it very clear that they want to draft someone very, very useless. Probably a WR or somethin’. Actually I predict they will draft some FS outta Oklahoma, I’ll go with a fella named Roy Williams. Ah, lets pound a few Labatts and stumble our way over to the Joe. The Wings were idle tonight after suffering a tie last night to the Nashville Cats. The Wings are coastin’ along in first place at 50-14. Enough said. And since I am feelin’ horny lets talk about the Womens NCAA Final Four. Here are the teams participating…Duke, Tennessee, UConn, and Oklahoma. Lots of pussy there baby. I have reached the end. Good night, good fight.
Lets see here… I bust my ass all week and who’s watching me the whole time not doing a damn thing? beats me….
Yo this is Skippy, I knew you assholes would come back for this Saturday Night bullshit. Sports Center jumpin’ on in…right now. Over to the NCAA tournament where the Indiana kicked the fuck outta Kent State 81-69 behind a few million three pointers by the Hoosiers. Oklahoma pimp slapped Missouri 81-75. Does anyone have these fucks in their bracket? I hope not. Over to the over paid version of hoops. Ah yes, the NBA. At 40-28 the Pistons remain in the hunt for the Eastern Division crown at three and a half games back from the Nets. Shifting gears and runnin’ naked lets go to NASCAR, never mind we’ll talk about that tomorrow. How about golf. Tiger Woods is a pretty boy bitch ass half and half, and he’s a fuck stick. Woods says he needs a break so he’s gonna take a few weeks off to masterbate to pictures of Jack Nicholas. Real sport anyone? NFL news. New England QB Drew Bledsoe told Cincinatti Bengals officials today “not to trade for him.” I guess its always nice to ask, “Drew, um, do you think it’d be, um, alright, if we, ah, could, geez how do I say this…trade for you?” NO! You can’t, you fuckin’ losers! What is sports comin’ to? What ever happened to trading your highest paid player (without his “knowledge”) to a shit team at three in the morning? Or you could release your whole team like the Lions. One more note from the football world, its kinda old news. QB Elvis Grbac is retiring from the NFL because he sucks, must be a U of M thing. Speakin’ of that shit school. Lets poor some salt in the wounds. As the NCAA continues to figure out what the fuck Michigan was thinking by paying the Fab Five about half a million, we’ll reflect on some great moments in the schools basketball history. Why did Webber really call that time out that the team didn’t have? “Yo man time out…coach Fischa, do dat Lexus have letha muthafucka?” Now is a good time to root for the maize and shit. Next up look for the NCAA to make an example out of U of M and set their program so far back that my grandchildren will would rather die then play for those buttfucker’s. Michigan probably pays all their athletes…except the golfers. Its not really a sport, oh, and neither is soccer. Lets drink some brewski’s and go ice fishing. NHL time. The Dead Wings literally pounded the shit outta Colorado tonight 2-0. Half way through the third period the teams thought it would be cool to start WWIII. It looked like a clip from Monday Night Raw (WWF). Everyone got involved in this one, yup even Roy and Hasek. But the bitch refs got to’em before Hasek could go Ali on Roy’s faggot Canadian ass. Also Shanahan got his 500th goal. Fuckin’ sweet! Ah, the end. Like the French always say, gotta run. For sports done right, have a helluva night.
Whats new? Nothin’ here either. Just lost the best report I have ever wrote. So now I am fuckin’ pissed off. Sports Center comin’ up. Duke got beat. So did Arizona. U of M still sucks and got busted with something worse than coke. Tigers and Pistons are in first place. Lions ruined their chance to release the whole team today by re-signing Lamont Warren. Peace.
So… apparently I didn’t do a very good job of keepin’ my shit up-to-date. With that in mind, here’s the latest installment of High Heat Life. Yes ladies and gents… It’s kinda hard to write a pissed-off article when I don’t really have a whole lot to be pissed about. Damn this is scary to say, but everything is right with the world here in Sosa-land for a change, and trust me kiddies… it’s a change for the better. After all, I got pretty fuckin’ sick of bein’ all irritable and shit pretty much all the time. It’s amazing what can happen to your whole mentality when things actually start going right for you for a change. So yeah… life is good. One can only hope that it’s going to stay that way for a while. Anywho… onto a different subject. Let’s see here… hmmmm… shit. I can’t think of anything else at the moment. Well maybe there’ll be something that’ll add some fuel to the HHL fire at some point, but until then… this is my sucky updated column. I’ll make it better next time I promise. Lata fockers… and remember once again… spandex is a privilege, not a right.
Whassup?! Cool. I see that the Final Four predictions are goin’ mighty fine. Good to see that. If you haven’t printed your bracket yet go to . GO STATE! I’m not countin’ on them this year, but they’re still my team. I own’em. While we’re on the subject of college basketball did any of you assholes see the Siena-Alcorn State game tonight? Neither did I. Siena (17-18) beat Alcorn State (21-10) 81-77. Siena has the shitty-ist record in the tourney. I smell Cinderella, tell her to close the beaver trap. All together now…Gonzaga…Ahhhh, I feel better. While we’re swimming in the basketball shit pond. Lets talk about the Pistons. Yup they have managed to suprise even me. Second place at 35-26. Not bad. Maybe some of that Motown magic can rub off on the Pussy Cats, er, Lions. Ok, its cold here, so why not head down to Florida. Tigers. Yeah, they beat the Braves 4-2. The third place Tigs are sittin’ pretty at 8-6 in the Grapefruit League. Fuck Spring Training, let’em play now. Spare the few Tiger fans the pain. I still have my poncho. While we’re here lets talk about drugs, I mean Darryl Strawberry. Yup he’s in trouble again. This time he decided to get in a fight while in rehab. He’s gonna get the chair, one day, he will. Cocaine anyone? Alright I have to speed this up a bit…Tyson suckers D.C. into givin’ him a licence (not a drivers one either). Bill Callahan hired as Raiders head coach. Yippie. Speakin’ of the Buc’s, they got another Johnson recently. This one is a Rob kind, and he sucks more than Keshawn and Brad. The Dolphins got RB Ricky “No Limit Soldier” Williams. Sweet. Now we can see P. Diddy roamin’ the sidelines of old Joe Robbie. Bling, bling. Fuck the bullshit. I’m out. For sports done right, have a helluva night.
Wow! The front page! Who said suckin’ cock doesn’t get you places? Anyway, sports center comin’ up. Well now that the conference tourneys are over the selection process can begin (it actually happened at 6 tonight on CBS). #10 Michigan State will take on #7 N.C. State. either March 15th or 17th in D.C. And no, U of M didn’t make it. Why? Because they fuckin’ blow. The number one seeds are Kansas, Duke, Maryland, and Cincinatti. Tourney Fact: No Final Four has ever contained the four number one seeds. Oh, and don’t forget to post your Final Four predictions on the one-liners. If you need a tourney bracket you can obtain them at . Over to Hockey. The Wings got blasted by the Sabres. Hasek’s homecoming wasn’t fuckin’ pretty. Detroit got their asses handed to them 5-1. Now to Lakeland, Florida for spring training and the Detroit Tigers. They suck. Although they managed to beat the Red Sox today 6-3. The Tig’s are above .500 (7-5 to be exact) but I’m sure it will last as long as a keg of High Life on five cent draft night at old Cleveland Stadium. Well thats all the shit I can fuck up for one evening. Gotta go. For sports done right, have a helluva night.
Alright. This might just turn into a bi-weekly column. Ugh! Probably not though, ’cause that’ll just give Tim-Bo an excuse to fuckin’ bitch at me. He does have good reason though, I mean if it weren’t for the writers of the colunms (thats us you fuck’s) this site would be shit. Enough with the ego trip. Sports Center comin’ atchya…We now head to basketball, NCAA style. Now this will probably be the only time I lead off with hoops since its not the fav on my behalf. But I do Love my Spartans. Who by the way got their ass handed to them on Friday, gettin’ pounce by Indiana 67-56 in the openning round of the Big Ten tournament. And then today Iowa, yes I said Iowa, upsets IU 62-60. Iowa takes on Ohio State tommorow for the title. Somethin’ ain’t right folks. MARCH MADNESS! Gimmie your final four picks and post them on the one liners and the person with the most teams picked correctly gets five bucks from me. And if you happen to get all four, well then you are a smart ass and should be on T.V. or some shit. Ok, other sports news. Howabout football. Yes the draft is a month away but we can’t help but wonder what fuck-up the Lions are gonna draft. They do have the third pick. So what does this mean? You tell me. Post your thoughts on the draft, who’s goin’ where and what surprises are there. Well I must say ist been an eventfull Saturday to say the least. Gotta run. Love ya. Out.